How's Your News?

Mine is hilarious. I watch a really trashy nightly news show on UPN. The female newscaster has had a lot of work done on her face so she looks like a slutty lizard and she constantly and awkwardly flirts with her gay co-host. I don't learn anything about goings-on in the world or relevant California movements. It's all meth-addicted grandfathers kidnapping their own grandsons for ransom and then leaving them on the street in Vegas, not an exaggeration, that's the only story I've ever remembered that they reported on. Also, the Japanese plant that blogs. Those have stuck with me because they aren't about how shaken up a neighborhood in East LA is after a gang murder. The reason I got into "My 13 News" was because their weatherman doesn't report on anything and just dances in front of the five-day forecast screens, which, partnered with his bad hairpiece and drunk-at-wedding moves, is extremely uplifting.

The main sponsor for "My 13 News" is Worthington Ford in Long Beach. Legendary Cal Worthington showcases 10 specific cars in each commercial and then mispronounces "finance."