A Nice Thing That Left Vegas

Las Vegas is really dissimilar to the way its advertised. It's not dangerous or seedy, and aside from the capacity to order prostitutes, there isn't very much sinning going on. I daresay its the least wild place I've ever been. Because while most cities have a Disney World-style strip - New York has Times Square, Los Angeles has Hollywood Boulevard, Paris has the Champs-Élysées, Chicago has the area surrounding the Rock N Roll McDonald's - the entirety of Las Vegas is a Disney World, and upon visiting you are trapped.

Nothing happens in Vegas and the only things that stay are your gambled amounts of money and your loose stools stemming from any of the many casino-hotel buffets. Upon returning to Los Angeles I began to notice billboards in favor of the "resorts" in Vegas, recognizing each themed monstrosity by name. An ad for the Monte Carlo pictures a man and woman and a bottle of vodka and reads, Unpretentiously Luxurious, which, if you think about it, sounds like the wrong kind of luxury. "Unpretentious" means Not Smart and Not Thought Out Well and Not Culturally Significant; so when partnered with a word that means Feels Good, one could say that settling in for a night of animal porn and Oil of Olay sounds unpretentiously luxurious.

I went to Old Vegas, or Downtown Las Vegas, where all the famous moving florescent statues are: the cowboy giving the thumbs up, the cowgirl lifting her leg, the boy holding a disproportionate donut or burger over his head. It's the Vegas of Swingers and Honey We Blew Up The Kids, rather than of CSI: Miami in Vegas and The Hangover. It's slightly dirtier and has more sad alcoholics, plus many more penny slot machines (which make it impossible to win anything and are mainly in place for recovering gambling addicts). The free drinks were weaker so I liked it less, but I did chance upon a Native American supplies store. I found a pair of moccasins [or makasin, mohkisson, mokussin, makizin, Mi'kmaq, m'kusun or maxkeseni] in sandy, smooth leather. They have 'W's stitched on the top to help grip the slippers to my feet. They were the rarest, prettiest things in Las Vegas, and they had stayed there long enough.