Except For This Gypsy In France

The Notebook

Yesterday I went to a stationary store that I had been eying for a while. It was there that I realized I wanted a small notebook to carry around in my purse.

During the summer, Todd complimented me on how the Showpaper horoscopes had held up comedically since their inception [although they have definitely been suffering recently]. He asked if I kept a notebook with me to write down jokes to save for horoscopes, and I admitted that I did not; if a horoscope idea came to me while I was on the bus, I held it in my brain for when the time came to write them all up.

However, when I visited New York in December, I started a Twitter because I saw how much fun Rocawear and Shaquille O'Neal were having. I would walk around thinking of jokes and then promptly text them to myself.

Upon arriving in Paris, I bought a prepaid phone for communicative purposes but also with hopes that I would be able to Twitter from it. Most unfortunately, the phone is unable to send international texts, and Twitter's phone number is country code +44 [the United Kingdom].

Unable to text myself, I find that I still routinely create 140-character witticisms from everything I see, especially if I'm commuting somewhere alone. I try to remember them, repeating them over to myself a few times, but then I think of a new one and I want to remember that one instead. My brain has been altered by Twitter, prioritizing joke-creation over memory storage, so essentially I needed to change along with it.

I bought this notebook, which is
obviously meant for people hand-writing receipts. The next time you see me [unless you're in the US, in which case you will most DEFINITELY see me Twittering], I will probably be the weirdo constantly jotting down notes and covering them with her hand and making all the other kids at the party feel uncomfortable. Attempt to understand that it is something I need.

All The Pictures I Took With Kitty Made Kitty Look Evil

And Accurately So!

Jordy

Jordy was actually a terrible entertainer to have at your gala or corporate event between 1992 and 1996 because his lip syncing was extremely sloppy and often times he'd forget to hold the microphone to his mouth. It would have been totally understandable if you booked him though; afterall, his fast-tempo, "it's tough to be a baby" hit was regularly played in discothèques across Europe, Brazil, Bolivia, Colombia and Japan.

His father, who produced the song and later embezzled his son's earnings, is the only audience member who legitimately enjoys the Jordy performance and attempts to discourage Whitney Houston from whispering to other people.

Can anyone confirm whether or not that's Glenn Close seated near Kenny G?

Rock DJ

Isabelle and I will most likely be deejaying at an upcoming Panther show in Paris. I have yet to think of a deejay name, but Colby suggested that I name myself after a 1999 b-film that received little attention in the States but was distributed in France with subtitles; the movie is called, Η Επίθεση του Γιγαντιαίου Μουσακά, which can be roughly translated from the Greek to mean, "Attack of the Giant Moussaka." Although the movie was hailed as the Greeks' long-awaited answer to Plan 9 From Outer Space [or more specifically, Attack of the Killer Tomatoes], I should like to think that AOTGM was made because Panos H. Koutras considers being crushed by a sentient piece of moussaka to be a most delicious death.

I Think I'm Getting My Piriod

New Necklace: Offensive?

Everyone says Paris is ex- pensive but I got this Islamic pendant from a store on my street for 1€50! It has two stationary flags, a tassel, and an unintelligible text on both sides.

Today is Lunar New Year's eve, and Lunar New Year is the PC term for Chinese New Year. Paris has two Chinatowns, but as with Lunar New Year, the two neighborhoods contain populations from Asia that are not exclusively Chinese. Isabelle lives just outside of one of these Asiatowns, so tonight we're having dinner at her house! I'm going to wear this necklace because it looks like a Chinese Dragon costume and most-luckily colored red. It too is based in another part of Asia.

L'As du Falafel

Yesterday we went to Lenny Kravitz's favorite place to get falafel in the world, which isn't very interesting until you consider that it's most probably Zoe Kravitz's favorite falafel spot, too. L'As du Falafel's long lines partnered with their assembly-line expediency in constructing falafel sandwiches and the high rate of English spoken is wholly reminiscent of John Travolta's favorite place to get hot dogs - Pink's. Cited as the institution that made Travolta fat, the Los Angeles landmark stands as the holy grail of hot dog stands featuring a Rosie O'Donnell themed-garden dog. However, unlike L'As du, Pink's vends a product you can make at home in a few minutes; the L'As du Falafel falafels were exceptional, with chili sauce and little triangles of grilled eggplant in every bite. Always trust Lenny Kravitz! He's been around the world!

Cock Of The Walk

Today I regretted not buying Colby the boxers printed with the blond lady who pretends to suck the wearer's dick.

So If Keanu Reeves Had The Voice Of An Angel

He'd be Jamiroquai!

Warning

BEFORE:



AFTER:

Yes Pecan

I bought this pin on the first day of the Olympics [8/8/08] and wore it to Boadrums 2. I was wearing an Egyptian-themed dashiki, so when I put the pin on it, I was the toast of all the party photo- graphers. Today I wore it to celebrate the inauguration of Barack Obama [and the new Ben & Jerry's flavor, Yes Pecan]. It tipped off the supermarket clerks to speak English to me immediately [as most people revert to French until they hear the way I say, "Bon soir."]

Later in the evening, as Colby and I walked from his apartment to mine, two twelve-year-old boys sped past us, mocking, "French is cool! French is cool!" and then pointed at me and said, "Tourist." Then they walked casually and often turned around to look at us.
I yelled, "Discoteque?" back at them, which is not universally funny, but Colby whistled at them as though they were attractive women for the next two blocks. Then he poked in a code to open the gate wall of my apartment complex, and as I said, "Bon soir," to Charlie Chaplin's daughter and her husband, I felt proud to be a Parisian.

My Gift Is Mysong

At the opening of the demo for Microsoft Songsmith, you assume it's an internet joke because the fake MPAA rating for the film is "S for Songtastic." The father's overacting and job scenario are weird enough to keep that assumption going, and when Lisa calls Songsmith the "cool new thing," you're wondering why the joke isn't funnier. But then Lisa keeps singing about the product. And then the father actually uses it to write a jingle about glow in the dark towels that almost makes a legitimate pun. At the midpoint, the Indian with both ears pierced brings to light that the video was made by Microsoft, and then sort of uses Songsmith to make a song that sounds reminiscent of Wings' Silly Love Songs, which most middle-of-the-road people admittedly like. He ends up being the video star, and when Microsoft changes the name of the program and reformats the demo style, he gets paid for a second acting job. In the first video it's a little blurry but in the second infomercial they clearly explain, with the help of the recurring Indian, that your vocals' accompaniment will sound the same regardless of what you sing because it's guided by the set tempo but can be affected heavily by a change in Jazz Factor.
Colby and Nick Noto will most likely use Mysong for all of their future homework assignments.