tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-62294416534715794812024-03-13T16:19:42.045-04:00v awesome fashionsAlaina Stamatishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10793558598895890207noreply@blogger.comBlogger209125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6229441653471579481.post-56394658594840088452010-01-30T13:18:00.001-05:002010-01-30T13:18:38.772-05:00New Shirt Concept<a href="http://twitpic.com/10j6bm" title="Share photos on twitter with Twitpic"><img src="http://twitpic.com/show/thumb/10j6bm.jpg" width="150" height="150" alt="Share photos on twitter with Twitpic"></a>Alaina Stamatishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10793558598895890207noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6229441653471579481.post-12336728868959476262010-01-21T22:01:00.006-05:002010-01-22T02:34:48.577-05:00Destination MaternityLibra<br /><br />You and all of your friends swear that you will never attempt impregnation because you love having/fucking a fit body. Little do you realize that as you age you'll go crazy and fall ill with baby fever.<br /><br />Most Compatible: with Scorpio<br />Lucky Show: Death First @ Death By Audio<br /><br />On Monday and Wednesday afternoons I hang out at the Williamsburg public library and help elementary school students with their homework. I point to words as the children read them and coach writing in full sentences and then I tutor math, hangover permitting. It's not so much fulfilling or rewarding as it is fun and good practice for motherhood. (Right?)<br /><br />Like every girl, I enjoy wearing "baby doll" dresses - they puff after the bust with a floral or otherwise effeminate pattern and then end halfway between the crotch and the knee - best known for masking middle-region body fat. I found a red one with white flowers for $2 at a donation thrift store in the Quad Cities. The brand? Motherhood Maternity.<br /><br />Most of the kids I tutor live and attend public school in Williamsburg, almost serving as little testaments against the paranoia of gentrification. Sometimes they ask me about hot spots in Williamsburg, like Sea and The Edge, and I try to answer their questions as I would for any miniature adults whom I don't know very well - dishonestly and with clean language - in hopes that they'll tell their parents how respectful and helpful I am. A few weeks ago I wore my red baby doll dress to the library.<br />"Is your dress from American Apparel?" a fourth-grade girl asked me, subtly calling me a hipster. She and a second-grade girl were doing their homework at my table.<br />"No," I said defensively, "it's a maternity dress. It's what people wear when they're pregnant."<br />The two girls gasped. "Are you pregnant?!" exclaimed the second grader.<br />"Noooo," I howled, shaking my palms in front of me as though trying to erase my unnecessary explanation of the clothes best suited for harboring a child. "I'm not pregnant. I don't even have a boyfriend."<br />"You don't need a <i>boyfriend</i> to be <i>pregnant</i>," the second grader sing-songed. At once it was all "too real-life" Brooklyn and, because I had no response, a clear case of being outwitted by a seven year old. <br /><br />On Christmas eve my extended family and I went to Chapel Hill Mall in Tallmadge, Ohio. I generally freeze up at the whisper of "mall" but because I hadn't bought presents for anyone in my family except <a href="http://twitpic.com/v687k">my dad</a>, the heat was on. While scrambling between Victoria's Secret and Claire's Accessories and Lids and Jimmy Jazz I somehow found time to stop in Destination Maternity to pick out something special for yours truly. I found a few jersey cotton 2XL-pregnancy-shirts-to-become-baby-doll-dresses that I wanted to try on, and when I started walking toward the dressing room the one woman behind the register called after me: "There's a pad in the fitting room so you can see how the shirts'll look when you're <I>further along</i>." I pulled back the curtain to reveal a tan, strap-on stomach pillow in the shape of a pregnancy, and yelled, "Cool!" back to her. <br /><br />I decided to buy one of the shirts - maroon with a weird, downward, crescent-shaped pinch under the bust, designed to follow the line between a swollen stomach and two drooping breasts - and whisked it to the register. It had come to my consciousness that I should limit the time I spend in Destination Maternity for fear of being spotted by other Stamatises and wrongfully alerting my boisterous aunts that I'm expecting a lovechild. The woman at the register asked if I had found everything I was looking for and I told her that I had and thanked her. She then asked for my name and zip code and phone number, and, unable to locate me in the Destination Maternity customer files, asked for my address. Then she followed it up with, "And when are you due?"<br />I paused to imagine a due date for my inconceivable child. "Uh... April?" April is the month I was due (born), so it was my fastest idea. I realized that April meant I was almost six-months pregnant; but then, considering how fat my stomach can look after a season of heavy drinking, maybe the prediction was wholly believable. <br /><br />"All right then," chirped my cheery wet nurse (by which I mean that she was <i>whet</i>ting my appetite for maternity wear). "I'm jus' gonna go ahead and get'ch'ya a $400 gift certificate for diapers and formula sent to your home, courtesy of Destination Maternity. I'm also gonna include this envelope of freebies - who doesn't love freebies when they're pregnant - a gift to you from Destination Maternity."<br /><br />The thick plastic envelope she slipped into my shopping bag included a Colgate WISP single-use toothbrush-floss-and-under-gum-pick, a coupon for a dollar off a 16-pack of Colgate WISPs, a sample of Wet Ones, a sample of Preparation H Portable Wipes with witch hazel, a coupon for Huggies featuring the image of a postpartum woman in her cotton underwear (you can tell she recently gave birth by the weird bellybutton), a coupon toward the purchase of a thermometer that takes baby's temperature by swiping its head, an ad for twitter.com/babytips, and a pamphlet that I don't want to unfold because the cover reads, Discover The Power Of Your Newborn's Cord Blood. <br /><br />I'm more excited for what coupons may come in the mail; I have a P.O. Box in Manhattan but it's very hard for me to remember its address off-hand [319 Lafayette St #191, 10012] so for Destination Maternity I recited the address of the building I live in, which doesn't have a mailbox. Any mail to 957 Broadway in the zip code 11221 is delivered to a 24-hour Korean-owned fancy-food bodega that I shop in daily. There are equally high chances that Mr. Kiwi, upon acceptance, will throw my diaper coupons away, pass them off to an actually-impregnated Korean in his life, or embarrass one of my male roommates by giving them a fuschia envelope that screams, "Find the perfect baby name!" as they do a little light shopping.Alaina Stamatishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10793558598895890207noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6229441653471579481.post-12499642524153523052010-01-06T15:36:00.000-05:002010-01-06T15:37:26.252-05:00Canchya hear the words that I'm saying to you?<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhnMa_bulGZCv40oUxXodOHHzwpILsq2AYBrJM1ShorhH3W_eV4UzmklAcXISA6PnqkS6ibQsz6Yy_KuM1oSOBR08MS_ND7jM51xwRExszVM8I-aeGq6LlvfAxJVBd9LJcu2hFucPcRXdd-/s1600-h/pix+25.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 270px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhnMa_bulGZCv40oUxXodOHHzwpILsq2AYBrJM1ShorhH3W_eV4UzmklAcXISA6PnqkS6ibQsz6Yy_KuM1oSOBR08MS_ND7jM51xwRExszVM8I-aeGq6LlvfAxJVBd9LJcu2hFucPcRXdd-/s400/pix+25.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5423727760001207634" /></a><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg4GEeRjO7EwQ3FH_5mWRwwOrVjwCKk57WpdF6b0yIdyTIXKsiM2GNAXJjbB8trfPIDkAExkdeyQENI5Cxp-oE5eci3v26vNvjZ9-8AF9zbZJv6YPk0slrNQWDfpJ-hKMXNU2tifL8Q3t6t/s1600-h/pix+24.jpg"><img style="float:left; 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margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 270px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiy5mAPMyEzK_Z3QuBuoG-1P8vpL0P2xw_AcdsKE3SWkZ4cqXjQX9Yc5QU-AdfarVTYHsZ4yqHnkMcnaoyAysPYnzDZb0zQ8lFqUrB85JllMjfRrhQGWnw1ldk5QhGLv80L7pq0zyaYWv4t/s400/pix+20.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5413309302824913778" /></a><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgF1HszpZAsSc3m30A6kkTM2DgepwO9omgIYn4M5OYMksyd_ewRDnRFAGgeShyeota9DCVLNQMnCnc5tq7KhZ1JD9fSP2Uwv4Upzd78Fz89LXpQa9p20pa9p7_-TB557CPDs_kPzL6LbOqH/s1600-h/pix+21.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 354px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgF1HszpZAsSc3m30A6kkTM2DgepwO9omgIYn4M5OYMksyd_ewRDnRFAGgeShyeota9DCVLNQMnCnc5tq7KhZ1JD9fSP2Uwv4Upzd78Fz89LXpQa9p20pa9p7_-TB557CPDs_kPzL6LbOqH/s400/pix+21.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5413309300959341074" /></a><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjPoET518SUi4ngsbCNyb50LGxjP1goAsv-s9FxFgFMdHT4ciSAJyQjL-KnB1T4KNpqF_KUpdao962wPI-hEa-zbhPa0iJR5MENhx_MlsW0x0vqRnThBPmNBRkDFRUATu5WnItUG6KopaIY/s1600-h/pix+22.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 270px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjPoET518SUi4ngsbCNyb50LGxjP1goAsv-s9FxFgFMdHT4ciSAJyQjL-KnB1T4KNpqF_KUpdao962wPI-hEa-zbhPa0iJR5MENhx_MlsW0x0vqRnThBPmNBRkDFRUATu5WnItUG6KopaIY/s400/pix+22.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5412914035907299762" /></a>Alaina Stamatishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10793558598895890207noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6229441653471579481.post-14442942837373525982009-12-05T23:00:00.001-05:002009-12-05T23:00:55.456-05:00American Scream<object width="445" height="364"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/jQVynua5tHo&hl=en_US&fs=1&color1=0x006699&color2=0x54abd6&border=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/jQVynua5tHo&hl=en_US&fs=1&color1=0x006699&color2=0x54abd6&border=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="445" height="364"></embed></object>Alaina Stamatishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10793558598895890207noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6229441653471579481.post-21481362321072071372009-12-01T02:43:00.000-05:002009-12-01T02:44:29.093-05:00Fading Obsession<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgejVBRyEgp_79AsrbXQ9IrnDdAhhlWZVxU17MGJ0q5TUoFKDHu2gXplryPau5CCmKA66MpH-8wBN-iOSqbiWo-F3x4nWMvfIDTl7tHp7nRujwb5kPU_6prq-k_2Xt0k-JZwZ-o4reqsBO3/s1600/mr+saturday+night.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 251px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgejVBRyEgp_79AsrbXQ9IrnDdAhhlWZVxU17MGJ0q5TUoFKDHu2gXplryPau5CCmKA66MpH-8wBN-iOSqbiWo-F3x4nWMvfIDTl7tHp7nRujwb5kPU_6prq-k_2Xt0k-JZwZ-o4reqsBO3/s400/mr+saturday+night.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5410170367923821394" /></a>Alaina Stamatishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10793558598895890207noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6229441653471579481.post-59478668586495698062009-11-28T14:49:00.001-05:002009-11-28T16:22:39.283-05:00Rider StrongYesterday I went on a scavenger hunt. Here's what I had to find:<br /><br />Carrot Juice<br />Multivitamin juice<br />Dried fruit packets (apricots, mangoes, raisins etc)<br />Brazil nuts, pistachios, cashews and peanuts (small bag of each rather<br />than mixed please).<br />Fresh ham ie not processed<br />Diet coke (cans not bottles)<br />Veggie dip tray<br />1 x tin of Heinz spaghetti Bolognese or Ravioli (If not Heinz, at<br />least a brand where the tin doesn’t require<br />a tin opener)<br />2 x pre-made salad bowls you get from supermarkets. (1 vegetarian, 1<br />with chicken).<br />Hummus<br />Pita Bread<br />Rye Bread<br />Selection of fresh Cheeses<br />Vanilla Soya Milk<br />2 x packs of Mint chewing gum<br /><br />Carrot juice was easy enough to find, but Multivitamin juice is a European phenomenon - a sweet and unidentifiable super-infused concoction best used to insure that little EU-lings don't encounter scurvy - so I bought blue-and-raspberry-smoothie juice (but the substitution apparently did not qualify because it was left untouched). I bought commercially dried fruit (including orange-flavored Craisins) because of the list's use of the word "packets," which probably saved some serious money. The list's preference against mixed nuts would have been understandable enough if there was a preferred nut (as I, in my own time, exclusively buy roasted, unsalted cashews), but in requiring all nuts, separate but equal, it's hard to hold sympathy. "Fresh ham" was a new phrase for me, as I have always understood ham to be a salted rump of poor health, but Food Dimensions had slices of it "cooked" and not "cured," so I bought it and quickly removed it from its cheap-looking packaging (this worked like a drug, as there was no fresh ham to be found at the end of the night). I was supposed to buy cans of Diet Coke and Not bottles but I bought bottles to be contrary. Food Dimensions doesn't sell vegetables-with-dip trays because nobody in Bushwick hosts corporate events, so I bought a bunch of vegetables and Kraft ranch dressing; Nicky Devine, my friend who has held several food service jobs, artfully arranged the baby carrots and broccoli spears in a disposable baking pan. I was unable to find pre-made salads, especially ones with chunks of grilled chicken, so I bought two packages of the organic Baby Spring Mix greens (both of which were unopened, and I later dreamt that they were donated to a food drive despite being obvious perishables). For hummus, I bought the cheapest, plainest container at Mr Kiwi; later, when I found myself excitedly scarfing the leftovers, I wished I had purchased a Pine Nut Oil or Lemon Zest variety. The pita bread was TKO'd but the loaf of rye bread was probably a waste. For the Selection Of Fresh Cheeses, I opted away from a wheel of cheap brie, instead presenting the judges with a ball of mozzarella, a tube of basic goat, and a triangle of blue cheese (each cut from their hard plastic packaging to appear more artisanal, each still here so I can make epicurean omelets). The vanilla soy milk was not finished, and at the end of the night everyone I knew was chewing mint gum. My favorite scavenged item, however, leftover and left 'til the end (although appearing in the center of the list) was the Tin Of Heinz Spaghetti Bolognese Or Ravioli, If Not Heinz, At Least A Brand Where The Tin Doesn’t Require A Tin Opener.<br /><br />When I was in college and organized a few school-sponsored concerts, I received the Riders of some fair-sized bands. Although I rarely provided any of the items requested, I'd read through them with curiosity. Bands usually asked for whiskey and beer and sometimes they'd ask for red wine. Some wanted healthy energy bars and one solo artist asked for weed. But never, ever, in the history of payment paperwork, mine and talent buyers across the world, has a musical act asked for Chef Boyardee. So I bought it. And the band didn't eat it, even though the can did not require a can opener. So if you or anyone close to you wants a once-celebrity-owned can of Chef Boyardee (ravioli of course), feel free to email me at hmsalaina@gmail.com.Alaina Stamatishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10793558598895890207noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6229441653471579481.post-5815904525013271562009-10-27T16:28:00.000-04:002009-10-27T16:29:23.117-04:00I Could Live With You In Another World<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQg-r-1Gyr7QGT65RNw6qUIH31IyuFYwFxBG9TyVf4fkZZ12Y7fZrAgW_VrqiqnqS4dT_xp0D_l2vQ1kULqbI_TlOY8ExjpnJXEb3Mv4ln4qTDJ_9ejr8nUCnb6dIGIwSiFnKoBRNd1Q9m/s1600-h/R1-36.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 270px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQg-r-1Gyr7QGT65RNw6qUIH31IyuFYwFxBG9TyVf4fkZZ12Y7fZrAgW_VrqiqnqS4dT_xp0D_l2vQ1kULqbI_TlOY8ExjpnJXEb3Mv4ln4qTDJ_9ejr8nUCnb6dIGIwSiFnKoBRNd1Q9m/s400/R1-36.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5397379332968401394" /></a><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEitqjIqZvpWPOPE0baEvSZHIi9jk23V8ypKmu8jC6KxFth1zi1Eo8aLLpLECnx1jLziT3yh66LjbB5BiQZFpZsxcErC-XUUt5i6Cz-iIXBhhbxu0QMuawSm5uH61_fv0AzrdD2q4azPHchO/s1600-h/R1-+3A.jpg"><img style="float:left; 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margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 270px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhHpHlIoOZenOUEjfaOiISh9DQqa7h0t9ejxspJQpzsJsTr22ZQibjyw-eE8G7SMl0mdVXD0nrfV6y7QR8Jbp76zijO0__J67Rh22-aCN7KfcTs54WtuWfAdX-dwkYcQHEA7-8Poo7ahox9/s400/R1-15A.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5394430372626418418" /></a><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiY4_wG69U96BQFjPgTtAKf9mLLOc8KMAE3AneG9mKW-o9llpWr-6H3dS1hWR0g2q875JYk8xNs5xYO-VYIlKdonLaJ3vBaCpc30A5HQnCZEXwnExS3js4bSlafOQM0WH2guIcOkR0nUFYD/s1600-h/IMG_1845.JPG"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 300px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiY4_wG69U96BQFjPgTtAKf9mLLOc8KMAE3AneG9mKW-o9llpWr-6H3dS1hWR0g2q875JYk8xNs5xYO-VYIlKdonLaJ3vBaCpc30A5HQnCZEXwnExS3js4bSlafOQM0WH2guIcOkR0nUFYD/s400/IMG_1845.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5394430358570705394" /></a>Alaina Stamatishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10793558598895890207noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6229441653471579481.post-51196009099165991672009-10-08T15:44:00.000-04:002009-10-08T15:46:42.300-04:00Why Read The Paper When I Can Tell The Headlines?Unemployed but thoughtful I've tried to develop a reading schedule for the week. Monday I read as much of a novel as possible - currently Galapagos by Kurt Vonnegut, with a hopeful undertone of visiting the islands next year upon flying to Ecuador to see my <i>childhood</i> friend Taub. On Tuesdays I buy the New York Times in print, which costs $2, because it has the science times and because I absently associate the internet with playtime. Wednesday is magazine day so I buy either the New Yorker or New York Magazine and read about half of it, extracting from them what would best serve me at a party or dinner function with people I dislike or don't know very well. I link Friday to the weekend, when I don't have to read unless I want to, so Thursday is left in sort of a limbo, but I've thought of a way to keep it educational; I'm going to make it the day wherein I read the Bible and the Farmer's Almanac.<br /><br />Thursday will be the day that inspires me. I will process information so different from that which I can casually understand, and in turn (probably) learn a lot about myself. <br /><br />I haven't visited KMart or whatever retailer one seeks for these freak books, so in the meantime I watched this YouTube video that my friend Jason sent me. He grew up in Baltimore and turned out pretty okay, and I think it's because people in Baltimore praise skills and make movies in a style that nobody else had previously invented. If anyone can explain the plot of this upcoming film I will kiss them furiously. <object width="445" height="364"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/o51WS1A5VjA&hl=en&fs=1&color1=0x5d1719&color2=0xcd311b&border=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/o51WS1A5VjA&hl=en&fs=1&color1=0x5d1719&color2=0xcd311b&border=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="445" height="364"></embed></object>Alaina Stamatishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10793558598895890207noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6229441653471579481.post-56331545060804003322009-09-09T14:24:00.000-04:002009-09-09T14:26:08.408-04:00Best of LAPictures of me [sleeping] from Atiya and Mia.<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgbfEP6Hg8kUSprb0e0907a-G1fsoPG2oXht5flTjyInvZQ34NOkqt-uF6sx5bv70RFoAeV0pqSy-9hJkkmSi6IGdPD8fkDQMviEpOtZO1j8-0da4cm_m1XIdv9-MT_V1nveVyHipIRddd/s1600-h/1.JPG"><img style="float:left; 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margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 300px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJH1nBLqdIDanPAz3c3CjWdlIGITdXkE86_GaA5gKmNfgmIdS7ZNl5z_0xeN1FUOTRWMXh8dV0e4myEBGBJ9ev655TJDo3gkqm_BWQ_RVvIVhHOXCCZtaliWr3h7a2SiS4EhmgTfQzXyZx/s400/41.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5379526678581223778" /></a><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgB0Ym0zYeBdHKh2RYIDfuxPY-27Zx1FD_CAUwGcKYR-8NQQH3lN93Jl50YNnfZPCMRPPAI6bds0wgopsjwEZoPe-apTr12aCeL-tf418CC4FDEz1W6exMdcEzBhAP0d7DZxZAFwAy5ty_M/s1600-h/42.JPG"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 300px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgB0Ym0zYeBdHKh2RYIDfuxPY-27Zx1FD_CAUwGcKYR-8NQQH3lN93Jl50YNnfZPCMRPPAI6bds0wgopsjwEZoPe-apTr12aCeL-tf418CC4FDEz1W6exMdcEzBhAP0d7DZxZAFwAy5ty_M/s400/42.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5379526672718961202" /></a><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgCmfR5wNvfCExAaz6an0ZSIGB8jhqqviMqX369ogqj0E8yHng62wn525tpdgU_QTOMkgSOwq5h_bD0QRnM7FSv8b0VmHCD8a6oNaOVrkqju5HF77vkOWTutU2w-crmusC_-b84gdGq4msV/s1600-h/43.JPG"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 300px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgCmfR5wNvfCExAaz6an0ZSIGB8jhqqviMqX369ogqj0E8yHng62wn525tpdgU_QTOMkgSOwq5h_bD0QRnM7FSv8b0VmHCD8a6oNaOVrkqju5HF77vkOWTutU2w-crmusC_-b84gdGq4msV/s400/43.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5379526659639854770" /></a><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgM-YFKzO0IX0Q_OU7NwtgdOax6LNnzpF7AbwjkcjssvjhGjojhPEh6Of_CZF84QasdxJVCr4h-rVeeqaa6N7rI21M9dGeIxCY3wGjYdbo7yU6p89bmdqWSPJWxMsUHrDrzQ96BRoSOEj19/s1600-h/44.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 390px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgM-YFKzO0IX0Q_OU7NwtgdOax6LNnzpF7AbwjkcjssvjhGjojhPEh6Of_CZF84QasdxJVCr4h-rVeeqaa6N7rI21M9dGeIxCY3wGjYdbo7yU6p89bmdqWSPJWxMsUHrDrzQ96BRoSOEj19/s400/44.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5379526651663086370" /></a>Alaina Stamatishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10793558598895890207noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6229441653471579481.post-36590436498974329052009-09-09T01:57:00.000-04:002009-09-09T02:11:13.194-04:005 Short ReadsIf time truly is money, then saving time can be financially resourceful, especially in a recession. But a very good use of time, as with money, can be beneficial, and reading is one of the good-est endeavors a sighted person can pursue. When factoring these two common perceptions [the high value of time and the very goodness of reading] the conclusion reached is that reading in short increments is one of the finest possible activities, especially for young paupers.<br /><br />With consideration to this lopsided pile of syllogisms I have composed a list of 5 great short books. Each book has less than 200 small pages, each averaging about a minute-and-a-half in reading-time. Technically, in the time it took me to sit through Watchmen with Greek subtitles, I could've stayed home, saved 10€ [14 USD] and learned something about life and myself.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3QkgmTLRX9O064s_fpHwH-0sHMbEUXy5_Iue-rcodq4c_krD1Z78qDuMYsUYVISL8mcZxIDCUxaiVIytD47ZymP1dL82yjycyZUtNqY7Wtf9cWp4HcBkfwUhm2Yjn_rJRhA9SqfDSAHjr/s1600-h/europeana.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3QkgmTLRX9O064s_fpHwH-0sHMbEUXy5_Iue-rcodq4c_krD1Z78qDuMYsUYVISL8mcZxIDCUxaiVIytD47ZymP1dL82yjycyZUtNqY7Wtf9cWp4HcBkfwUhm2Yjn_rJRhA9SqfDSAHjr/s400/europeana.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5379321928002075426" /></a>EUROPEANA: A BRIEF HISTORY OF THE TWENTIETH CENTURY by Patrik Ourednik [translated from the Czech]<br />Europeana is the shortest book on the short list, despite covering the whole of the twentieth century. Ourednik looks back on recent history with dark, eastern European glasses whose arms are thorny, pricking and stinging the reader's head in sentence-long anecdotes. Ourednik's calm and dispassion make rare, horrific facts all the more disturbing.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhZAKC7FfvYoQKkBhQF-4mypH5IaVsql7hOyuAHop06S6p9XZg457ImeI-oAuIXTIMrzAkWzO8RNiIegyxh62AL50_0oimC7RXLxDEsHv8Z-kJyo3L_tJVYnbJwmGZe7Hm0ckwaDhCZa6oX/s1600-h/of+walking+on+ice.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 277px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhZAKC7FfvYoQKkBhQF-4mypH5IaVsql7hOyuAHop06S6p9XZg457ImeI-oAuIXTIMrzAkWzO8RNiIegyxh62AL50_0oimC7RXLxDEsHv8Z-kJyo3L_tJVYnbJwmGZe7Hm0ckwaDhCZa6oX/s400/of+walking+on+ice.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5379322037407795074" /></a>OF WALKING ON ICE by Werner Herzog<br />Herzog in Munich hears that his friend in Paris is dying. Wishing to be by her side, he decides to walk through harsh winter weather to Paris "against her death, knowing that if I walked on foot she would be alive when I got there." He kept a diary of all of his observations, as though a small book was pressed to his stomach while he trudged, and it reads like an epic poem. Herzog basically precedes and perfects Twittering by about 30 years. <br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEht1eC5_GZG6qKA791p2t_jzcj6qGLcuSByBH0JoSux5fW4A6YklB1hL_W8ZtqpTt_wIJP4-sUJi26_RtpLKAqGZi6sCn2dvr0x6UyECa-xzeB9iNPbSiPbnggawaTR0aXr40ftRD3NYvl-/s1600-h/summer+crossing.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 260px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEht1eC5_GZG6qKA791p2t_jzcj6qGLcuSByBH0JoSux5fW4A6YklB1hL_W8ZtqpTt_wIJP4-sUJi26_RtpLKAqGZi6sCn2dvr0x6UyECa-xzeB9iNPbSiPbnggawaTR0aXr40ftRD3NYvl-/s400/summer+crossing.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5379322264870676018" /></a>SUMMER CROSSING by Truman Capote<br />Summer Crossing fabulously follows a country clubbing girl and the lower-middle-class boy she emotionally abuses à la Philip Roth - but short! It was the first novel Capote ever attempted but it was never finished so it ends on a boring cliff-hanger.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgPZACWsfEGHb1E_m4upyQq_28f7MOuvlKBNnt5RMYrsOPazQFcDYE3xAy7E6KI4aLDltf-ep_ieJ3UXqaLacfeyxtJbjkD5AcLRy8rDPEcETVcS9TAa8jmEt9CC04Kn5i2YplmKIi33s8b/s1600-h/i+remember.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 262px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgPZACWsfEGHb1E_m4upyQq_28f7MOuvlKBNnt5RMYrsOPazQFcDYE3xAy7E6KI4aLDltf-ep_ieJ3UXqaLacfeyxtJbjkD5AcLRy8rDPEcETVcS9TAa8jmEt9CC04Kn5i2YplmKIi33s8b/s400/i+remember.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5379322404394218306" /></a>I REMEMBER by Joe Brainard<br />Every mini-paragraph of Brainard's memoir starts with, "I remember," which proves to be one of the sweeter verb conjugations in modern English. And sweet the book turns out. Brainard apparently leads a hokey, cheerful existence for a young gay painter in the 1950's. Most of the joy in reading comes from recognizing his memories as your own: "I remember the sound of the ice cream man coming. / I remember once losing my nickel in the grass before he made it to my house. / I remember that life was just as serious then as it is now." Ourednik later wrote Year<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">24</span> in this same form, covering his adolescence in Czechoslovakia under Communist control. It appears to be very potent and educational but has not yet been translated into English.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXrqMjIRNNFECL4z9-PPBY0c31AwKziAakOv2__becirVA56a0E87SkFoiKNC1_8JRF9k3k2XUNLGu4np5AItnBOCwm-DkADMQ0XXVlS1hEWQF37tTtxTXa9qpCPZw5SOzYPav-SJtVifv/s1600-h/IMG_1795.JPG"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 300px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXrqMjIRNNFECL4z9-PPBY0c31AwKziAakOv2__becirVA56a0E87SkFoiKNC1_8JRF9k3k2XUNLGu4np5AItnBOCwm-DkADMQ0XXVlS1hEWQF37tTtxTXa9qpCPZw5SOzYPav-SJtVifv/s400/IMG_1795.JPG" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5379323828971706786" /></a>GOD BLESS YOU MR. ROSEWATER by Kurt Vonnegut Jr<br />Excellent display of Vonnegut - ya got your Kilgore Trout, ya got your poo-tee-weet - and it's all done before dinner's ready. Vonnegut's interpretation of money in our society is about enough to make you give yours all away. [I stole this copy from my high school after it had been removed from the curriculum.]Alaina Stamatishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10793558598895890207noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6229441653471579481.post-69230645918132076182009-09-07T02:09:00.000-04:002009-09-07T02:11:45.671-04:00Trying To Take Kitty For Walks<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTX8T4kFLB65FZN968Og69Gdfq-fdR4NTjQHGm1NNbvLFwvFzWrN35z1Xx6gOes0icdcUaQdBJH6khNb4JSVbdu1JvivW26Y7LWil1jAmnSVDe4BZw_tZTbdLIgVkmIeF0sXjYSscMJ7Bf/s1600-h/IMG_1776.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 300px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTX8T4kFLB65FZN968Og69Gdfq-fdR4NTjQHGm1NNbvLFwvFzWrN35z1Xx6gOes0icdcUaQdBJH6khNb4JSVbdu1JvivW26Y7LWil1jAmnSVDe4BZw_tZTbdLIgVkmIeF0sXjYSscMJ7Bf/s400/IMG_1776.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5378604153140843858" /></a>Alaina Stamatishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10793558598895890207noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6229441653471579481.post-4886779409839316572009-09-04T22:41:00.000-04:002009-09-05T05:41:20.380-04:00My Belgian ThingsWhen I went to Belgium for the first time, I bought a disposable camera at a shop around the block from a bar my boyfriend-at-the-time was playing music in. It was the only camera in the store, and the paper shell of the camera was detailed like an American flag with a few scattered Statues of Liberty. I took pictures throughout the trip, and on the night that it ran out of exposures, I noticed a message on the bottom of the camera, warning "Develop Film By 12/2006." It was either 2 or 3/2009 at the time. <br /><br />Atiya told me that for her past birthday (12/2008) she had asked for disposable cameras as gifts; her roommate in Brooklyn bought her the same Freedom Ain't Free disposable camera that I had used in Belgium but loaded with non-expired film.<br /><br />Today Atiya and I killed an hour while our matching cameras were processed at CVS. When we retrieved our little envelopes from the photo counter, the trained technician asked if one of us had gone through an ex-ray with our camera. I said that I had at least three times, and that the film was already expired, and that I was excited about it. <br />"Yeah," the woman replied. "One of them came out real funny. As long as you're not mad!"<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1wcyniobJNxDNZ2HeM4-6VeBLoKLF-PLqmQIkuiXPEgj098zHP2CMVY6lB71BLk-EVWUWASH0t_nXXXaQoQmnQppRf-uEBD40G_UcauEw1CUJ5Z84f6R9GtxMF6L_ou7dBaZaQ3Y384rB/s1600-h/001_3.JPG"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 267px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1wcyniobJNxDNZ2HeM4-6VeBLoKLF-PLqmQIkuiXPEgj098zHP2CMVY6lB71BLk-EVWUWASH0t_nXXXaQoQmnQppRf-uEBD40G_UcauEw1CUJ5Z84f6R9GtxMF6L_ou7dBaZaQ3Y384rB/s400/001_3.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5377804780931315298" /></a><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_C2eETs5mexwsYelBBfz4MDyI3nFGfLPkgJt4FSdiaCD9IXqhOvHCaCB-9aBHBUCBihNI1hPYCTfBzN16pOgixXW6y9wi7Yf2eiUOKOyLbMR6jTXwwSE6pFQh9oTwNk2VzM7dl9nlZPvC/s1600-h/002_4.JPG"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 267px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_C2eETs5mexwsYelBBfz4MDyI3nFGfLPkgJt4FSdiaCD9IXqhOvHCaCB-9aBHBUCBihNI1hPYCTfBzN16pOgixXW6y9wi7Yf2eiUOKOyLbMR6jTXwwSE6pFQh9oTwNk2VzM7dl9nlZPvC/s400/002_4.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5377814665772514466" /></a><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi1-ylBaohctTbKnfTPIncwGrozHDPawcDLZY_S54D8g8EecWSsBj1ys43dZ4SnJ2qFyTioK3-bHrL-8alPgNuoDNcxrp6TS1HAIFuN2_-9q7Iw-I47CIt2766VH0cVm72qwnAqiQk1wDSv/s1600-h/006_9.JPG"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 267px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi1-ylBaohctTbKnfTPIncwGrozHDPawcDLZY_S54D8g8EecWSsBj1ys43dZ4SnJ2qFyTioK3-bHrL-8alPgNuoDNcxrp6TS1HAIFuN2_-9q7Iw-I47CIt2766VH0cVm72qwnAqiQk1wDSv/s400/006_9.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5377804790485605058" /></a><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiNW_OK3OMEQv9RVENtO6zL1QTbANjZ5RzkIM4Hu659t05fR3mj-4ju5x3tAuzsYdFVkpqFqrbbAPfmX-i72ExXmUJUE-JpJufpiURvHWKIUECLEbE_Kcx1ufehwKXEsbL1dcyFV5IO9rGy/s1600-h/010_17.JPG"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 267px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiNW_OK3OMEQv9RVENtO6zL1QTbANjZ5RzkIM4Hu659t05fR3mj-4ju5x3tAuzsYdFVkpqFqrbbAPfmX-i72ExXmUJUE-JpJufpiURvHWKIUECLEbE_Kcx1ufehwKXEsbL1dcyFV5IO9rGy/s400/010_17.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5377804386448138338" /></a><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhys37chKCyDXu1sc71fotWdBb981gHqFtKKiyZfGkbIFT0IAE5EOeXaPKmMv8SjW-a2ES0iUf5nxiI2gHRNWHk86BL0Ht7lLyi0BY11rGV__V7MV3MQQDJAO87tn3pSLQ7JVCi2M_s_q_P/s1600-h/008_13.JPG"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 267px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhys37chKCyDXu1sc71fotWdBb981gHqFtKKiyZfGkbIFT0IAE5EOeXaPKmMv8SjW-a2ES0iUf5nxiI2gHRNWHk86BL0Ht7lLyi0BY11rGV__V7MV3MQQDJAO87tn3pSLQ7JVCi2M_s_q_P/s400/008_13.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5377809406308958338" /></a><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhNkgL5_CoS6RfzjZGDL6Enihj1HMsxP0bJM5hKvDEqBnzwXivcd90bcW659LNZYsn4qL3DmR3Hyed4G9sNiPovzkwb8W5ReS-9b4BpcySPMKTWJNHzhx7h5rF1iL09JXICIkGKgypQkTz0/s1600-h/009_14.JPG"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 267px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhNkgL5_CoS6RfzjZGDL6Enihj1HMsxP0bJM5hKvDEqBnzwXivcd90bcW659LNZYsn4qL3DmR3Hyed4G9sNiPovzkwb8W5ReS-9b4BpcySPMKTWJNHzhx7h5rF1iL09JXICIkGKgypQkTz0/s400/009_14.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5377804378771968194" /></a><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-kDpUiv7INJKfCzq522jbELLb0Trn0YOpyUaUBXioR21-uGww9SNbEGSmqksJgcTyrqBx8GUMkodZgbT7sh5DsXBMQN8IfdBft9VuxJu11B35NFR9Z0GpaMrZ63mOyfzzP8VahuM-8T4T/s1600-h/014_21.JPG"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 267px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-kDpUiv7INJKfCzq522jbELLb0Trn0YOpyUaUBXioR21-uGww9SNbEGSmqksJgcTyrqBx8GUMkodZgbT7sh5DsXBMQN8IfdBft9VuxJu11B35NFR9Z0GpaMrZ63mOyfzzP8VahuM-8T4T/s400/014_21.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5377804400605521202" /></a><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhPGiYjq1KTetQSZIhUGJ9VAspHZ13p4S4Aljs-xfrrrSki9TotTM17oYH7TJRpBTsvyntl9CKab654DbljHYDvIPFXmVLZPwgHN2rj1kc9ECiKIpiR8sdPqITAoMscmqtP0_Hu3kClGusR/s1600-h/012_19.JPG"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 267px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhPGiYjq1KTetQSZIhUGJ9VAspHZ13p4S4Aljs-xfrrrSki9TotTM17oYH7TJRpBTsvyntl9CKab654DbljHYDvIPFXmVLZPwgHN2rj1kc9ECiKIpiR8sdPqITAoMscmqtP0_Hu3kClGusR/s400/012_19.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5377804394275858066" /></a><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiBTzD4HxVQVYYIKtsIqMtp1sQZHh5pFE2Ov9AkH_2hqIPVj_UbFLiy_K2eH5SDtxXItRHUVi2E-sULGnC3UAYamdtfEUoZONGnBhkRWBf_wHwPJ00BfvqrEyMUP0aTCie73GW7S8y9JvXj/s1600-h/011_18.JPG"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 267px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiBTzD4HxVQVYYIKtsIqMtp1sQZHh5pFE2Ov9AkH_2hqIPVj_UbFLiy_K2eH5SDtxXItRHUVi2E-sULGnC3UAYamdtfEUoZONGnBhkRWBf_wHwPJ00BfvqrEyMUP0aTCie73GW7S8y9JvXj/s400/011_18.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5377804369971769202" /></a>Alaina Stamatishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10793558598895890207noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6229441653471579481.post-26142119595811359872009-09-04T15:29:00.001-04:002009-09-04T15:29:34.173-04:00You Wanna Smoke Crack?<object width="445" height="364"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/uJ1hKtYOx_c&hl=en&fs=1&color1=0xe1600f&color2=0xfebd01&border=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/uJ1hKtYOx_c&hl=en&fs=1&color1=0xe1600f&color2=0xfebd01&border=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="445" height="364"></embed></object>Alaina Stamatishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10793558598895890207noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6229441653471579481.post-76509940897585747822009-09-03T20:19:00.000-04:002009-09-03T20:21:10.195-04:00GrandI'm pretty happy that it's September.<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDzK6tYbiUU2lblRvygKHfJtk9LZKi2HmzHdv-4i4NOlBWnW5BZ5q7Z6EW8Pp-mN8QJ27D9MJ7Q_XOG2mLnzjBBGtKL-I34-VY4cHgc4VhKSOb6__nVGa7DHD7H1shxftgDDpeTVD-JaaC/s1600-h/IMG000032.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 300px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDzK6tYbiUU2lblRvygKHfJtk9LZKi2HmzHdv-4i4NOlBWnW5BZ5q7Z6EW8Pp-mN8QJ27D9MJ7Q_XOG2mLnzjBBGtKL-I34-VY4cHgc4VhKSOb6__nVGa7DHD7H1shxftgDDpeTVD-JaaC/s400/IMG000032.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5377400537536402626" /></a>Alaina Stamatishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10793558598895890207noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6229441653471579481.post-48028839361070663052009-08-29T20:06:00.000-04:002009-08-29T20:51:38.960-04:00Unpretentiously LuxuriousAs I <a href=http://www.awesomefashions.org/2009/07/nice-thing-that-left-vegas.html>mentioned earlier</a> certain value systems involving luxury and how it should be enjoyed befuddle me. Pet resorts, pedicures, big cars, big televisions, silk, suede, Icelandic wool, espresso machines for the home, marble desks for the office, beef that came all the way from Japan, there is no end to my misunderstanding. This has always been the case, for most shows of extensive wealth reliably inspire in me the sort of amusement a child feels upon watching one puppet hit another puppet on the head. In turn, I was able to join the rest of the world in thinking that solid gold toilets are very silly.<object width="445" height="364"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/r-tdwx1ZVco&hl=en&fs=1&color1=0xe1600f&color2=0xfebd01&border=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/r-tdwx1ZVco&hl=en&fs=1&color1=0xe1600f&color2=0xfebd01&border=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="445" height="364"></embed></object>Recently my major responsibilities have been taking care of my family's seven pets - no fish, no turtles, five cats and two large dogs. Feeding the dogs often involves cooking ground beef, which conjures a smell I'm not used to, and all of the animals require that I manage their waste. The cats shit in a bin beneath the jungle gym of their big cube cat house on the balcony (entrance through a small door in the window) and the dogs shit in the grass in front of houses. Every few days the cats' bin gets emptied into a garbage bag and the garbage bag is dropped down the garbage shoot near the elevator. Every few hours I trail the dogs and wait for them to shit; I had never cared about flies walking on my food but when I see how quickly three of them will land on a log of fresh dog shit I really start to feel embarrassed. I reach down to pick up dog shit with a biodegradable mini-bag over my hand and the flies disappear. Through the bag I can feel how warm the shit is and think about how warm the inside of the dogs' bodies are. Then I consider how warm human shit must be. Dog bodies are 3 degrees warmer than human bodies, but that temperature difference is difficult to feel with a covered hand. I have never touched human shit because when I need to shit I go into privacy and lounge in an armless, porcelain easy chair. My shit is dropped into a bowl of cold water and then removed from sight through pipes and deposited on Staten Island.<br /><br />Not all humans have the same shitting experience, but most Americans do. If most Americans had to crouch with their legs spread open every time they needed to shit, they would probably be more agile and have nicer calves. In the scheme of things the "American standard" is actually quite luxurious. For this reason, solid gold toilets seem like a natural improvement in the face of extensive wealth. <a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhUt_p9fOuAsXvRucuTYuWjxo5xKKJzgjzcCUk1LP7p7RWwQoECWvofm3UIuqOvUMzJCS7wHOqaYgmlG6D_1Ia9KALmOMstCbooHsmdYDawYqOSwGJE8nP-30Z3TT4AE95Q4dlYdlrJ9aKA/s1600-h/gold+toilet.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 279px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhUt_p9fOuAsXvRucuTYuWjxo5xKKJzgjzcCUk1LP7p7RWwQoECWvofm3UIuqOvUMzJCS7wHOqaYgmlG6D_1Ia9KALmOMstCbooHsmdYDawYqOSwGJE8nP-30Z3TT4AE95Q4dlYdlrJ9aKA/s400/gold+toilet.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5375546010478081282" /></a><br />Reviews for the solid gold toilet:<br /><br />"We've never seen anything like this before. When you see it for the first time, it's like the most beautiful thing....the most, most beautiful thing." -Anon<br /><br />"What I mean is, wouldn't it be better if the toilet was open and each person could shut the door and use it -- could sit down and really feel what it's like?" -Gao Qingyin<br /><br />"What the hell happens on a $35,000 toilet that makes it so special? While you're sitting on it, does it magically transport you to the Maldives?" -Matt LittmanAlaina Stamatishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10793558598895890207noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6229441653471579481.post-55945375556194894002009-08-25T18:40:00.000-04:002009-08-25T18:57:28.037-04:00Best of Showpaper<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh70WJhmo0WoXdbaO2IgxQRWURolITr-oXWxPIqLY0VuAappf5jUnGvgWeYN8wGl7lq9AYkFBIazaH_O7LHFFq3xOkAOo55_NKZAiss82iex0QgxIhGQWqoF_UQR5xtYSohw6nrvtzeuEgD/s1600-h/max+eisenberg.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 144px; height: 200px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh70WJhmo0WoXdbaO2IgxQRWURolITr-oXWxPIqLY0VuAappf5jUnGvgWeYN8wGl7lq9AYkFBIazaH_O7LHFFq3xOkAOo55_NKZAiss82iex0QgxIhGQWqoF_UQR5xtYSohw6nrvtzeuEgD/s200/max+eisenberg.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5374027092295125362" /></a>Today marks the release of the 60th issue of Showpaper, the free, heavenly, every-other-weekly single-sheet of newsprint that lists affordable, all-ages shows on one side and features images by high-and-rising artists on the other. It's gorgeous, impressive, and easy to love. When I reference it, as I do now, my chest heats up as though I'm Showpaper's proud third-grade teacher or long-term cleaning lady - a memorable helper but certainly not the parent. (Actual daddies include Joe Ahearn, Edan Wilbur, and Todd Patrick.)<br /><br />Over the past 30 months I've held a handful of responsibilities for Showpaper, but none so regularly as horoscope writer. I pitched the horoscopes as a secondary supplement to the "I Saw You" missed connection section, for which I would write short, raunchy things about <a href="http://blogs.villagevoice.com/music/archives/2009/03/the_best_of_sho.php">real musicians</a> and <a href="http://blogs.villagevoice.com/music/archives/2009/06/the_best_of_sho_1.php">showgoers</a> in txt msg language. The relevance of horoscopes, I reasoned, would come when I'd "predict" a zodiac sign's Lucky Show - a show that appeared within Showpaper's listings - which was lifted from Seventeen Magazine's recommendation of a lucky color to wear during an upcoming month.<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgIwyyDkRRfHpveiWO9UeQjujkdxK4raNqP0FPCB-0CJHwI7_EtcdBOwJ3_OW_YUA7wmTzYcdlbXVid3-D81ATkva6er9Da0VzncqgksnEobky3Nvs43gN8pSZ_vXNh8iPW1LNaTzuHzOBT/s1600-h/showpaper+layout+1.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 171px; height: 200px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgIwyyDkRRfHpveiWO9UeQjujkdxK4raNqP0FPCB-0CJHwI7_EtcdBOwJ3_OW_YUA7wmTzYcdlbXVid3-D81ATkva6er9Da0VzncqgksnEobky3Nvs43gN8pSZ_vXNh8iPW1LNaTzuHzOBT/s200/showpaper+layout+1.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5374034194620949250" /></a><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiS0xGL20rXi2Ky2W7hIFMdMC0uLpstxLlsO_PY82taSF52elW8Sg-NDsSLfga0nhK0U3_a_VgEW335FiGz1OwEIoeQDVVX1z4ODksFPlS7kMbbJOy_udZGWVUFDBH_alSV7Y2yMZIEqjP5/s1600-h/showpaper+layout+2.jpg"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 154px; height: 200px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiS0xGL20rXi2Ky2W7hIFMdMC0uLpstxLlsO_PY82taSF52elW8Sg-NDsSLfga0nhK0U3_a_VgEW335FiGz1OwEIoeQDVVX1z4ODksFPlS7kMbbJOy_udZGWVUFDBH_alSV7Y2yMZIEqjP5/s200/showpaper+layout+2.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5374034274020533074" /></a><font size =2>Sick-azz layouts by <a href="http://maggiematela.com/">Miss Maggie Matela</a>.</font><br />Showpaper is not available online and only modest jpegs of the issues' art are documented in the publication's <a href="http://myspace.com/showpaper">MySpace</a>. I've decided to take this holiday as an opportunity to post some of my favorite Showpaper covers of Showpapers past, and old horoscopes that I still think are funny. <br /><br /><br />ISSUE 2<br />by Ben Jones<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgadOAscCDSvdeQnJlsArYnr-GvNBCfp4tNXRshoJI9fnM5JRDE2VD4og6rUVBKtRPJaUUK23LJd2-pWbJgdcF4L-hrnfuoC7Ayd7jDyoWI8Yoq1-AABiW4maFs7GHUNDXmhR5R0wGk9ArW/s1600-h/ben+jones.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 204px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgadOAscCDSvdeQnJlsArYnr-GvNBCfp4tNXRshoJI9fnM5JRDE2VD4og6rUVBKtRPJaUUK23LJd2-pWbJgdcF4L-hrnfuoC7Ayd7jDyoWI8Yoq1-AABiW4maFs7GHUNDXmhR5R0wGk9ArW/s320/ben+jones.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5374027248271111682" /></a><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br /><br /><br />ISSUE 8<br />by Chris Johanson<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjICRbYopb2mgqln6I5agcjXHg2eRYvk-KIcXj2CTa62O_WiNSwJTeLuhKrXBD6TLTjmoLJMAClODKfm1VA6fbZlEENDA3gEbWvMBzmlD7V5d5pWhiFiVJfnXC9nl3YFBF-83PI_hsWhocr/s1600-h/chris+johanson.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 198px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjICRbYopb2mgqln6I5agcjXHg2eRYvk-KIcXj2CTa62O_WiNSwJTeLuhKrXBD6TLTjmoLJMAClODKfm1VA6fbZlEENDA3gEbWvMBzmlD7V5d5pWhiFiVJfnXC9nl3YFBF-83PI_hsWhocr/s320/chris+johanson.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5374027416311764770" /></a><br /><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br /><br />ISSUE 10<br />Scorpio<br /><br />For Scorpio, opportunity periods for personal gain occur October 1 – 5, so keep your eyes down. Someone’s bound to have dropped a dimebag. <br /><br />Most Compatible: with Libra<br />Lucky Show: Magik Markers @ Death By Audio<br /><br /><br />ISSUE 11<br />by Sumi Ink Club (Sarah Rara and Luke Fischbeck aka Lucky Dragons)<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEibrjBZJjc5GtR4rg1lBXNeqynzBbRiEVtFi7El0F9fYpcQfi0TqNzIjT_84MnL-Fu8GVhnKCo5h19nIfroH1hYANFx0LEfDWw8ROHdpmrF5G7HICsc_7_Bz1LU34aSHf56px4T0wOoOOS9/s1600-h/Sumi+Ink+Club.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 189px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEibrjBZJjc5GtR4rg1lBXNeqynzBbRiEVtFi7El0F9fYpcQfi0TqNzIjT_84MnL-Fu8GVhnKCo5h19nIfroH1hYANFx0LEfDWw8ROHdpmrF5G7HICsc_7_Bz1LU34aSHf56px4T0wOoOOS9/s320/Sumi+Ink+Club.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5374027642128953522" /></a><br /><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />ISSUE 12<br />Leo<br /><br />While all of your friends are dressing as sexy nurses and sexy devils this Halloween, try a more creative get-up. Tie your ankle to your thigh, string on a camouflage bikini, and voilà: sexy Vietnam Vet. <br /><br />Most Compatible: with Pisces <br />Lucky Show: Lollipop Factory @ Cake Shop <br /><br />Capricorn<br /><br />When you’re in the moment you have trouble remembering the 8 New Tantalizing Ways To Make His Toes Curl that you learned from the cover story of October’s Cosmo. It’s O.K. They’re all made up on-the-spot by interns who never score it with anybody. <br /><br />Most Compatible: with Leo <br />Lucky Show: Pit Er Pat @ Silent Barn <br /><br /><br />ISSUE 14<br />Virgo <br /><br />You, or a woman close to you, are going to have a pregnancy scare. Either way, you should not be too concerned. With the way you kids drink there’s really no way a baby would survive. <br /><br />Most Compatible: with Capricorn <br />Lucky Show: Endless Mike And The Beagle Club @ Sealab187<br /><br />Sagittarius <br />As Mars passes Saturn and Venus to join Uranus, you contemplate anal sex within your long-term relationship. Most of the rumors about what it does to your body are false so don’t worry too much about taking the brown line. Just make sure you’re doing it for the right reasons, not the Catholic ones.<br /><br />Most Compatible: with Leo <br />Lucky Show: The Shrimps @ Vox Pop<br /><br /><br />ISSUE 15<br />by David Horvitz<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_bR8wZwPQ6xaf1Gh4cUGDU5jACUFSaBfhqD1sGmvtmPkNJSAMRxTGNETVYXDyLZ6RP1kQGLl817xq4gpeQdL-yeZd1GpGSNxqLEmjrMS8laJvvkbHbc4XeGa2-n0AoOINsD-eJIdabMap/s1600-h/david+horvitz.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 198px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_bR8wZwPQ6xaf1Gh4cUGDU5jACUFSaBfhqD1sGmvtmPkNJSAMRxTGNETVYXDyLZ6RP1kQGLl817xq4gpeQdL-yeZd1GpGSNxqLEmjrMS8laJvvkbHbc4XeGa2-n0AoOINsD-eJIdabMap/s320/david+horvitz.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5374027832961306482" /></a><br /><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br /><br />ISSUE 16<br />Aries<br /><br />Because your actions are governed by your instincts during this Horoscopic period, you may be prone to eating meat if you are currently a vegetarian, eating cheese if you are a vegan, or eating the genitals of a person you’ve always considered a close friend. <br /><br />Most Compatible: with Aquarius <br />Lucky Show: Dean & Britta @ Maxwell's<br /><br />Gemini<br /><br />A woman on the street will offer you a psychic reading for $5 (and then offer you tea candles and some clean rocks to take home for another $15). Politely turn it down. You already receive broad, inaccurate advice for free. <br />Most Compatible: with Gemini <br />Lucky Show: Zaimph @ Silent Barn<br /><br />Libra<br /><br />This month, no means yes. <br /><br />Most Compatible: with Pisces <br />Lucky Show: Hatebreed @ Toad’s Place <br /><br />Aquarius<br /><br />You like yourself just the way you are but the New Year is coming. Abstain from cigarettes for the rest of the month, so when it’s 2008, your New Year’s Resolution can be to start smoking. <br /><br />Most Compatible: with Leo <br />Lucky Show: Bee’s Nest @ Zebulon <br /><br /><br />ISSUE 18<br />Gemini<br /><br />You're romantically involved with half of a set of twins, and the other half is getting pissed off. Time to crack open a Budweiser and start living single, seeing double, and sleeping triple.<br /><br />Most Compatible: with Aquarius<br />Lucky Show: These Are Powers @ Uniondocs<br /><br /><br />ISSUE 21<br />by Peter Edwards (Casper Electronics)<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8kmgJiWSZWumApN6UobZnjaQAo9rb9g6WiTN5rGFSBnNCgFU9C5_kUHrwmY_w5DFkhhwGuELE8C8lXmEEZovOj-03TGFE0HO72uMkr374_E44QOLlJ64gLBrb5oUl1sTeyF0ejeY-WLcI/s1600-h/pete+edwards+casper+electronics.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 231px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8kmgJiWSZWumApN6UobZnjaQAo9rb9g6WiTN5rGFSBnNCgFU9C5_kUHrwmY_w5DFkhhwGuELE8C8lXmEEZovOj-03TGFE0HO72uMkr374_E44QOLlJ64gLBrb5oUl1sTeyF0ejeY-WLcI/s320/pete+edwards+casper+electronics.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5374028132626027442" /></a><br><br><br><br><br><br /><br><br><br><br><br><br /><br />ISSUE SxSW #1<br />by PFFR (Wonder Showzen)<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmb6LMsrNSydW9kFKK-QoYDOonY07LSoIDdSfWfM78exCmTK22mNoJSxV9pkXDmETY-Jdgdv_lnP-97uyGRW8naTeVqdwMKnaJ_wmE5bh6eUVcpfN_qMQULWPCr-fE6ylo8UN68YfB12_A/s1600-h/pffr.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 246px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmb6LMsrNSydW9kFKK-QoYDOonY07LSoIDdSfWfM78exCmTK22mNoJSxV9pkXDmETY-Jdgdv_lnP-97uyGRW8naTeVqdwMKnaJ_wmE5bh6eUVcpfN_qMQULWPCr-fE6ylo8UN68YfB12_A/s320/pffr.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5374028339560496978" /></a><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br /><br /><br />ISSUE 23<br />Taurus<br /><br />Something that happened in March will be vastly improved in April. It may be career-related, or the status of a romantic relationship, but it's probably a rash around your groin that will go from raised and red to clean, clear, and under control.<br /><br />Most Compatible: with Virgo<br /><br />Lucky Show: Black Pus @ SUNY Purchase<br /><br />Pisces<br /><br />Your significant other will be drag you to the music show of a band you consider embarrassing. Just find the bar and nod your head rhythmically because that's what love is. Later, bring her or him to see the Pharmacy.<br /><br />Most Compatible: with Aries<br />Lucky Show: The Pharmacy @ Market Hotel<br /><br /><br />ISSUE 26<br />Aries<br /><br />It's time for you to fuck with some gender roles, by which I mean adhere to them. If you're a female, attempt a domesticated act, like a nice apricot shortbread. If you're a male, spend the next week trying to land a threesome. Sometimes we all need to be reminded why we lead an alternative lifestyle.<br /><br />Most Compatible: with Cancer<br /><br />Lucky Show: In The Distance: A Light! @ SUNY Purchase<br /><br />Cancer<br /><br />You are likely to be shipwrecked/stranded after a plane crash soon, so definitely wane yourself off of being too pampered. Otherwise the absence of 'product' will leave you haggard from withdrawal when the strong, all-American coast guarders come to rescue you.<br /><br />Most Compatible: with Scorpio<br /><br />Lucky Show: BunnyBrains @ The Ontological Theater<br /><br /><br />ISSUE 27<br />by Emilie Halpern<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhYKWNKlIDlle3TQLGJCCLopjGQwKnV6fYudHefPL3_jsfo02PUzlJ0VhrkiJEJL9hIpHyBMFQDoNcZBz6XCRna2EzXCAa1Xm9gE8fDz7HHp-SiM8bd1iKJXns3UCcBS5_20a-E6faQUlVf/s1600-h/emilie+halpern.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 231px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhYKWNKlIDlle3TQLGJCCLopjGQwKnV6fYudHefPL3_jsfo02PUzlJ0VhrkiJEJL9hIpHyBMFQDoNcZBz6XCRna2EzXCAa1Xm9gE8fDz7HHp-SiM8bd1iKJXns3UCcBS5_20a-E6faQUlVf/s320/emilie+halpern.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5374028539645192514" /></a><br><br><br><br><br><br><BR><BR><br /><br /><br />ISSUE 28<br />Scorpio<br /><br />The weather is so nice now that there isn't any reason for you to be getting in internet fights.<br /><br />Most Compatible: with Pisces<br />Lucky Show: Lucky Dragons @ East River Amphitheater<br /><br />Sagittarius<br /><br />Your receding hairline is making you self-conscious and you've been thinking about buzzing your scalp. Definitely don't. Heads are lumpy, veiny things that God wants us to keep covered with hair and yalmulkas. The confidence you'd exude by allowing your forehead expand while secretly taking restoration medication is way more attractive. Supplemented by a display of chest hair is also a good look.<br /><br />Most Compatible: with Aquarius<br />Lucky Show: Martha Wainwright @ Joe's Pub<br /><br /><br />ISSUE 30<br />by Raymond Pettibon<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjPUyAYrit2FaEqUMMzDE3Bk1xY6o0V9053mKd-KM9OQiof52ES3Yuva3Xb4MrIJ4qTz4qxj_1VJADOcsvj_tL6hD8AVv1UPbSUQfOb2GLcDxffZ7OBZpj7xJHgzzn3nn9Tp3fCUVDtyPpI/s1600-h/raymond+pettibon.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 230px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjPUyAYrit2FaEqUMMzDE3Bk1xY6o0V9053mKd-KM9OQiof52ES3Yuva3Xb4MrIJ4qTz4qxj_1VJADOcsvj_tL6hD8AVv1UPbSUQfOb2GLcDxffZ7OBZpj7xJHgzzn3nn9Tp3fCUVDtyPpI/s320/raymond+pettibon.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5374028732012918738" /></a><br />Leo<br /><br />The only thing worse than having dirty, dreaded hair and bacne and crusted alternative piercings is having dirty, dreaded hair and bacne and crusted alternative piercings while buying UTI medicine. Remember that.<br /><br />Most Compatible: with Pisces<br />Lucky Show: Zs @ Zebulon<br /><br /><br />ISSUE 31<br />by Maya Hayuk<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEid7UqEvS6jM6hc0KODpiZEJ5C-3NZgNlWGcEJJVIp6NPt5iNziWawtwMwsgZB_s-MPidny_7nSuzfspBJvXv5j2QlCXA0JEga2AaSZGsOL0tJfd-JQzXt8G1q1HG1omIDjwICS5Qo1lfd8/s1600-h/maya+hayuk.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 214px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEid7UqEvS6jM6hc0KODpiZEJ5C-3NZgNlWGcEJJVIp6NPt5iNziWawtwMwsgZB_s-MPidny_7nSuzfspBJvXv5j2QlCXA0JEga2AaSZGsOL0tJfd-JQzXt8G1q1HG1omIDjwICS5Qo1lfd8/s320/maya+hayuk.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5374028876720013762" /></a><br />Scorpio<br /><br />Nothing masks ugliness like a pretty sun dress.<br /><br />Most Compatible: with Scorpio<br />Lucky Show: Psychothriller @ Death By Audio<br /><br />Capricorn<br /><br />You're destined for really great things, so discontinue getting so wasted that you sweet-talk 12-year-old boys or mistakenly urinate in embarrassing places. It's the kind of behavior that resurfaces in a big way when you're big.<br /><br />Most Compatible: with Aquarius<br />Lucky Show: Akron/Family @ Castle Clinton<br /><br /><br />ISSUE 32<br />Aries<br /><br />You, or someone close to you, have a mouse problem in your extremely humble abode. If you've decided to lay down traps, use the cartoony metal ones that snap, which in reality break the mouse's neck. If you use the adhesive mouse traps, you'll avoid mouse blood shed, but only because the mouse will be alive for 2+ days, squeaking and writhing about until you feel so terrible that you grease up a pair of rubber<br />gloves and slide the mouse off of the trap. At which point it will wriggle free and run back under your stove and return to being a problem.<br /><br />Most Compatible: with Cancer<br />Lucky Show: Artanker Convoy @ Death By Audio<br /><br />Cancer<br /><br />Riding a mountain bike is great! They're a little clunky and kinda heavy, but they have breaks and traction and all the other things you need to survive. That's why there are never any white mountain bikes attached to the sidewalk.<br /><br />Most Compatible: with Capricorn<br />Lucky Show: Artanker Convoy @ Death By Audio<br /><br />Leo<br /><br />You live across the street from a Pentecostal Church (which is essentially in an apartment building) and early on Sunday mornings you can hear someone on a megaphone singing, changing the lyrics from, "If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands" to "If you love el nino Jesus then you're saved." Get all your weekend drinking done on Friday so you can make Saturday your day of rest.<br /><br />Most Compatible: with Libra<br />Lucky Show: Artanker Convoy @ Death By Audio<br /><br />Scorpio<br /><br />It can still be TMI even if what you're saying isn't off-color. Like if you recount how many hours you slept when nobody asks. Or you romanticize your hometown and upbringing when nobody asks. Or you announce that you need to urinate when nobody asks. Sometimes any information is too much information.<br /><br />Most Compatible: with Aquarius<br />Lucky Show: Artanker Convoy @ Death By Audio<br /><br />Capricorn<br /><br />The nicest guy a girl knows is her dad, and a mom is the best lady to come home to. So there's nothing wrong with getting Oedipal.<br /><br />Most Compatible: with Aries<br />Lucky Show: Artanker Convoy @ Death By Audio<br /><br /><br />ISSUE 33<br />Gemini<br /><br />You've felt nervous in your neighborhood, concerned that it may be dangerous, but never fear. Even if you get shot in the face, modern medicine can still revive you.<br /><br />Most Compatible: with Gemini<br />Lucky Show: Terror Cathode Secretion @ Silent Barn<br /><br />Scorpio<br /><br />Before they're taken off the market, buy Sparks every time you resort to deli drinks. Soon you'll have to return to the efforts of scoring coke.<br /><br />Most Compatible: with Scorpio<br />Lucky Show: Aesop Rock @ Toad's Place<br /><br />Capricorn<br /><br />Don't blog unless you're really funny and go on a lot of adventures. If you're taking pictures of your dinner and posting stories about things that made you smile, you're poisoning the blogosphere.<br /><br />Most Compatible: with Capricorn<br />Lucky Show: Dirty Projectors @ South Street Seaport<br /><br /><br />ISSUE 34 <br />Taurus<br /><br />Don't go on WebMD and try to self-diagnose your minor aches and chafes because it's going to give you anxiety and anxiety causes cancer.<br /><br />Most Compatible: with Pisces<br />Lucky Show: Zeke Healy @ The Errant Garrison<br /><br />Cancer<br /><br />Everyone at Welcome To The Johnson's is old and everyone at 151 is foreign and all the art at Gallery Bar is whack and all the drinks at the Macando taste like mud and all the bands that play in the Lower East Side are cheesy and all the people who go to see them are ugly and all of this has finally come to your realization this summer. Head east, young man. Brooklyn welcomes you.<br /><br />Most Compatible: with Virgo<br />Lucky Show: Dark Dark Dark @ Zebulon<br /><br />Sagittarius<br /><br />Take advantage of 24-hour retailers like Duane Reade and the Apple store that looks like a cube. When China takes over and everything's communist, all of the stores will have to close at the same time.<br /><br />Most Compatible: with Scorpio<br />Lucky Show: Trachtenburg Family Slideshow Players @ Bowery Poetry Club<br /><br /><br />ISSUE 35<br />Aries<br /><br />Even though it's meatless jerky, you should eat it as though it's beef/ostrich jerky: not in public.<br /><br />Most Compatible: with Taurus<br />Lucky Show: Free Blood @ Market Hotel<br /><br />Sagittarius<br /><br />You didn't buy the shirt that read, "I survived the blackout of 2003," that summer so long ago but you wish you had and it haunts you still. The closest you can get to righting this wrong is to buy one of those shirts with Obama giving a 'pound' to Malcolm X; you will still like it in 5 years.<br /><br />Most Compatible: with Capricorn<br />Lucky Show: Awesome Color @ Terrace Club<br /><br /><br />ISSUE 37<br />Scorpio<br /><br />Just because it's almost possible to make direct eye-contact when videochatting doesn't mean you should maintain an LDR [Long Distance Relationship]. Videochat cybersex is never as good as actually getting your dick wet.<br /><br />Most Compatible: with West Indian<br />Lucky Show: Man Man @ Heirloom Arts Center<br /><br />Capricorn<br /><br />You read a 33 1/3 book on a band you have always liked and know a lot about and it was a great disappointment for you; maybe it was poorly written with corny jokes, maybe you didn't learn enough secrets about Stephen Merritt, but either way you swore the whole series off. Problem is, you've gone about those books the wrong way - choose them for the writer, not the subject. Sure you like Unknown Pleasures, but<br />who the fuck is author Chris Ott [christopherott.com]? Get the 33 1/3 book John Darnielle wrote about Black Sabbath [from the view of an institutionalized 15 year old]; it'll be 99.9% enriching.<br /><br />Most Compatible: with Polish<br />Lucky Show: Daniel Carter @ Zebulon<br /><br /><br />ISSUE 38<br />by Aurel Schmidt<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhFpiQ2dSJXnjpIKWLT_g5p0ldyimkAUapgk87vQfAlBn7a86w1QkMyTSsz9oyHuMYiEEgD9YBv2m4_CigdU_A4JCOlY4Ha2lMil4Je2_RVKKZ0kE2gfhyTGifU5Pkx94uGdStIJB30BEry/s1600-h/aurel+schmidt.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 214px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhFpiQ2dSJXnjpIKWLT_g5p0ldyimkAUapgk87vQfAlBn7a86w1QkMyTSsz9oyHuMYiEEgD9YBv2m4_CigdU_A4JCOlY4Ha2lMil4Je2_RVKKZ0kE2gfhyTGifU5Pkx94uGdStIJB30BEry/s320/aurel+schmidt.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5374029173919231442" /></a><br />Aries<br /><br />It's easy to make new friends but it's hard to make new friends who don't have a boring history of substance abuse that they like to make reference to.<br /><br />Most Compatible: with Aquarius<br /><br />Lucky Show: Marnie Stern @ Smog Garage<br /><br />Cancer<br /><br />If American Apparel says they're doing an open call for models, they're fucking kidding. Don't show up in knee high socks and a resume with your picture on it. Also, at 25, the only advertising you have a future in will begin, "Help! I've fallen and I can't get up."<br /><br />Most Compatible: with Capricorn<br />Lucky Show: Hercules & Love Affair @ Gibson New York Showroom<br /><br /><br />ISSUE 39<br />Aries<br /><br />You have a popular, American name [Emily, Daniel, Melissa] but unfortunately for you, it's chic in adulthood to have irregular first and last names. Don't try to to jazz yourself up by creating a nickname that sounds like a real, rare name or by using your middle name as an extra three syllables on your first name. Rather than try<br />to switch teams, simply admit defeat and then do the right thing when you become a parent. Until then, the Lancelots and the Nickodemuses and the Alainas will have everything under control.<br /><br />Most Compatible: with Pisces<br />Lucky Show: Busy Bee @ Danbros Studio<br /><br />Gemini<br /><br />Don't use "shat" as the past tense of "shit." It always sounds stupid because "shit" isn't a real verb and doesn't warrant a grammatical change. "Took a shit," will suffice for all of your horror stories.<br /><br />Most Compatible: with Capricorn<br />Lucky Show: Extra Life @ Issue Project Room<br /><br />Capricorn<br /><br />Make some sort of living will wherein you tell your friends NOT to make a Facebook Group about you if you should unexpectedly die. People always write the trashiest comments on those.<br /><br />Most Compatible: with Gemini<br />Lucky Show: Eric Hnatow @ Video<br /><br />Pisces<br /><br />Persevere! Just because your band's lead vocalist and songwriter died 10 years ago doesn't mean you can't continue playing shows in Connecticut.<br /><br />Most Compatible: with Aries<br />Lucky Show: Blind Melon @ Toad's Place<br /><br /><br />ISSUE 40<br />Taurus<br /><br />You, or someone close to you, has begun training for Iron Man 2009. Once a person decides that they will feel no sense of completion until they've biked for 112 miles in a single afternoon and then promptly thrown their bicycle and sprinted another 30 miles, there's really no alternative you can offer. The best you can to do is be supportive and/or avoid yellow swim suits for the three-mile swim in Hawaiian<br />waters; when sharks confuse the human pelvis with a Twinkie, it sucks for everybody.<br /><br />Most Compatible: with Aries<br />Lucky Show: Extra Life @ Zebulon<br /><br />Libra<br /><br />You love getting hyper but drinking coffee puts blood in your stool. Fuck with some Yerba maté and you'll be totally jittery, just like old times.<br /><br />Most Compatible: with Aries<br />Lucky Show: Hell's Hills @ Paris London West Nile<br /><br />Scorpio<br /><br />Stop Googling your boyfriend/girlfriend's ex! Nothing's new!<br /><br />Most Compatible: with Aries<br />Lucky Show: Amanda Diva @ Knitting Factory<br /><br />Aquarius<br /><br />Drink more water than dairy and you won't get calcium build-ups, which are essentially a set of fake vampire teeth in your throat/vagina.<br /><br />Most Compatible: with Aries<br />Lucky Show: Golden Error @ Asterisk<br /><br /><br />ISSUE 41<br />Libra<br /><br />Red Bull DOES contain vitamin b but it's not the kind that blocks anemia and pancreatic cancer. It has the kind that burns holes in your stomach lining and turns your turds chartruese.<br /><br />Most Compatible: with Sagittarius<br />Lucky Show: Cale Parks @ Market Hotel<br /><br />Leo<br /><br />If you pick up a hitchhiker, don't take it to a motel and fuck it all night long. Otherwise things will get really awkward when you wrongfully accuse it of stealing.<br /><br />Most Compatible: with Pisces<br />Lucky Show: The Mae Shi @ Silent Barn<br /><br />Sagittarius<br /><br />Your Thanksgiving was rough because your family is insane and it really has you down. Confide in a lover or a trusted friend, but don't express your woes in your AIM Away Message; it just leads acquaintances from your high school to make fun of you.<br /><br />Most Compatible: with Leo<br />Lucky Show: Larkin Grimm @ Housing Works<br /><br />Capricorn<br /><br />Your significant other is the best you can possibly do, better than what you probably deserve, so stop trying to appear single on Facebook.<br /><br />Most Compatible: with Scorpio<br />Lucky Show: Fred Frith @ Knitting Factory<br /><br /><br />ISSUE 42<br />Taurus<br /><br />Your New Year's Resolution should be to stop taking Xanax and Acid at the same time.<br /><br />Most Compatible: with Aries <br />Lucky Show: Tyvek @ Market Hotel<br /><br />Cancer<br /><br />Your New Year's Resolution should be to go to all of the They're Going To Die Soon concerts in Manhattan. You skipped the Isaac Hayes show over the summer and still haven't forgiven yourself.<br /><br />Most Compatible: with Capricorn<br />Lucky Show: Timothy Cushing @ Video<br /><br />Leo<br /><br />Someone close to you's New Year's Resolution should be to stop calling you "a little pussy" in front of your friends.<br /><br />Most Compatible: with Aries<br />Lucky Show: U.S. Girls @ Death By Audio<br /><br /><br />ISSUE 45<br />Aries<br /><br />You were having weird dreams so you bought a lime green dream catcher and now your whole subconscious portrays you murdering the elderly in their homes which actually look like church of your childhood. Essentially, the Native Americans have cursed you for putting a "fun" spin on their heritage. If you really care about your psyche then toss that shit but definitely keep it up if you often have guests; it sounds awesome.<br /><br />Most Compatible: with <br />Lucky Show: Showpaper Film Night @ Monster Island<br /><br />Taurus<br /><br />Don't flake out on your friends. When you're in some sort of long term domestic situation in a more rural area of the country, you're going to wish there was somewhere to have brunch and someone to talk about cock with.<br /><br />Most Compatible: with <br />Lucky Show: Dan Deacon @ Danbro Brewery Warehouse<br /><br /><br />ISSUE 46<br />Aries<br /><br />The smell of weed is not so strong or lingering that you need to use incense or scented candles. Despite their packaging and convincing commercials, they don't smell like violets or recently-baked apple pie - they smell like chemicals.<br /><br />Valentine: Capricorn<br />Lucky Show: Psychothriller @ Video<br /><br />Virgo<br /><br />Something about your significant other's BFF makes you totally horny. Fight that urge! Plenty of other disassociated fish that you can cheat with in the sea.<br /><br />Valentine: Pisces<br />Lucky Show: Iran @ Death By Audio<br /><br />Libra<br /><br />You're pregnant and you're excited to be a young parent. Similarly, you're making the biggest mistake of your life.<br /><br />Valentine: Gemini<br />Lucky Show: These Are Powers @ Other Music<br /><br />Scorpio<br /><br />Unfortunately, your balance is not very good so you probably shouldn't try to catch tags on bridges. No one wants to see you Saturday Night Fever it.<br /><br />Valentine: Taurus<br />Lucky Show: High Places @ New Museum<br /><br />Sagittarius<br /><br />Don't invite your drunko roommates out; once one person you're with hits the bouncer, everyone's getting in the cop car.<br /><br />Valentine: Cancer<br />Lucky Show: The Paris-Maine Crossing<br /><br /><br />ISSUE 47<br />Aries<br /><br />Your March will come in like a lion. Consider hard alcohol the chair and whip with which to tame it.<br /><br />Most Compatible: with Taurus<br />Lucky Show: Blank Dogs @ The Shank<br /><br />Taurus<br /><br />Obsessing over something builds expectations and eventually depreciates the value of the thing. Essentially, your jealous girlfriend is making you look bad.<br /><br />Most Compatible: with Scorpio<br />Lucky Show: Red Dawn II @ Death By Audio<br /><br />Gemini<br /><br />A girl not-super-close to you is in prison and you're wondering if you should write to her. Would she want to hear from you, you wonder, or would it be mortifying? If you think about it, you'll realize that of course she would like a penpal. Plus, she'll be getting letters postmarked from New York City - she'll be the coolest girl on the cell block!<br /><br />Most Compatible: with Pisces<br />Lucky Show: Hipster Holocaust @ ABC No Rio<br /><br />Virgo<br /><br />Candlelight, soft music, carpeting made of bear hide - try fucking next to these things. It really does make it better!<br /><br />Most Compatible: with Capricorn<br />Lucky Show: Jana Hunter @ Market Hotel<br /><br /><br />ISSUE 48<br />by Shoboshobo<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhH0bUiOGLM4g_gtEuDLMsmavtEojHMCdKn_fENhQce7V-m2BXsi_q0n0mQs4SoRwQvCYhudujf6vQEghzcMBw813hFMswI_MlDLdKTEhya7YaW4aR4mHXfgDeIEbJ6H3A29AME2bP5NVeF/s1600-h/shoboshobo+-+curated+by+desert+island.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 230px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhH0bUiOGLM4g_gtEuDLMsmavtEojHMCdKn_fENhQce7V-m2BXsi_q0n0mQs4SoRwQvCYhudujf6vQEghzcMBw813hFMswI_MlDLdKTEhya7YaW4aR4mHXfgDeIEbJ6H3A29AME2bP5NVeF/s320/shoboshobo+-+curated+by+desert+island.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5374029552409505410" /></a><br />Aries<br /><br />You want white shoes but you don't want to look like a geriatric visiting Disney World. Buy them and wear them as your only shoes on a trip through the wilderness. Dirty white shoes look so dope! <br /><br />Most Compatible: with Aquarius<br />Lucky Show: U.S. Girls @ The Stood<br /><br />Gemini<br /><br />Why pluck your eyebrows when you can shave them!<br /><br />Most Compatible: with Virgo<br />Lucky Show: Human Host @ Wrench In The Works<br /><br /><br />Cancer<br /><br />It's customary to put makeup on your hickeys to cover them up so it's probably for the best if you conceal that black eye, especially when your boyfriend gave you that bruise, too.<br /><br />Most Compatible: with Capricorn<br />Lucky Show: Team Robespierre @ The Shank<br /><br />Capricorn<br /> <br />Being bald with a mustache is cool and gay. Being bald with a beard sends the message that you Could grow scalp hair if you wanted and Choose to be bald; and people hate to be lied to.<br />Most Compatible: with Cancer<br />Lucky Show: Knyfe Hyts @ Knitting Factory<br /><br /><br />ISSUE SXSW #2<br />Sagittarius<br /><br />Don't try to scare people with your gun; they'll take it away and hurt you.<br /><br />Most Compatible: with Gemini<br />Lucky Show: Jeremy Jay @ Mohawk<br /><br />Aquarius<br /><br />On the next Saturday that you want to get up on the bar for some yippie yo kay-raoke, make sure to remove your boots first. Otherwise you're sure to slip on some lemon water and be a Dead-Neck Woman.<br /><br />Most Compatible: with Cancer<br />Lucky Show: Nite Jewel @ Quack's Bakery<br /><br />Pisces<br /><br />You play in a band with your friends but everytime you perform you get so nervous that you sweat like a virgin at a prison rodeo. Use it as an excuse to take off your shirt! Fastest way to get fans.<br /><br />Most Compatible: with Virgo<br />Lucky Show: Dirty Projectors @ Ms Bea's<br /><br /><br />ISSUE 49<br />Cancer<br /><br />Your significant other's mother's birthday is coming up but you don't know what to get her. Don't settle for a nice hand cream or a silk scarf or a gift certificate to a spa. Instead get her something you'd want for yourself - like a frog-skin coin purse - so she gets a better feel for what kind of colorful kid you really are.<br /><br />Most Compatible: with Cancer<br />Lucky Show: DJ Dog Dick @ Silent Barn<br /><br />Scorpio<br /><br />Peep toe boots are so you!<br /><br />Most Compatible: with Scorpio<br />Lucky Show: Growing @ Monster Island Basement<br /><br />Capricorn<br /><br />You want to get back together with your exes but so far they haven't been trying very hard. Text them late at night when you're shitfaced<br /><br />Most Compatible: with Capricorn<br />Lucky Show: Xiu Xiu @ Monkeytown<br /><br /><br />ISSUE 50<br />Gemini<br /><br />"Cold turkey" is a term invented by tobacco companies and nicotine patch distributors and the people who were in the process of developing e-cigarettes as a way of scaring mothers-to-be into thinking that quitting an addiction is hard. In reality, it's the only way to quit smoking.<br /><br />Most Compatible: with Aries<br />Lucky Show: Boo And Boo Too @ Death By Audio<br /><br />Virgo <br /><br />You wear deodorant so often, slathering it on every day that you skip showering, so when you finally do wash yourself and your armpits are momentarily uncovered, they tingle and burn, as if asking you, "Who am I? Who am I Now? Who am I TO YOU?" Cool it on the deodorant; it's going to give you pit cancer.<br /><br />Most Compatible: with Aries<br />Lucky Show: The Brothers Peeesseye @ Paris London West Nile<br /><br /><br />ISSUE 51<br />Aries<br /><br />Not all of your friends are crazy. Plenty are dumb.<br /><br />Most Compatible: with Taurus<br />Lucky Show: Quintron @ Market Hotel<br /><br />Taurus<br /><br />People actually DO like hearing about your dreams, but only if they're exceptionally violent and if your re-telling is the length of the actual dream [10 - 20 seconds].<br /><br />Most Compatible: with Gemini<br />Lucky Show: Despot @ Terminal 5<br /><br />Gemini<br /><br />You've only had sex with two woman in the past three years, one of which is your girlfriend and the other with whom you still have contact. However, neither have any pink bumps like you do. There are small pink bumps around the shaft of your penis, not on it, but in the pubic hair area at the base of it. They don't really itch and are about the size of a pimple. There is also a larger bump that resembles a mole in the outer area of your pubic hair. Only, it too is pink. None of these are painful but you would like to find out what is going privately via WikiAnswers. Unfortunately, it'll be a waste of your time. Every response you'll get will be, "See a doctor," and your post may be copied and pasted elsewhere as a joke.<br /><br />Most Compatible: with Cancer<br />Lucky Show: Black Feelings @ Silent Barn<br /><br />Leo<br /><br />Sharing an eating disorder with a significant other will keep you two together with the adhesive strength of a hard duo-drug addiction.<br /><br />Most Compatible: with Virgo<br />Lucky Show: Black Pus @ Death By Audio<br /><br />Libra<br /><br />Obviously you're going to get hit on in the supermarket at 9pm if you're buying rice cakes. You look so desperate!<br /><br />Most Compatible: with Scorpio<br />Lucky Show: John Zorn @ The Stone<br /><br />Capricorn<br /><br />If you give a feral kitty a cookie it might just break into your plastic bag.<br /><br />Most Compatible: with Aquarius<br />Lucky Show: Anamanaguchi @ The Stephens Institute of Technology<br /><br />Aquarius<br /><br />A lofted bed may free up some floorspace but when you experience the full reduction of fun from your sex life, what went up will come down.<br /><br />Most Compatible: with Pisces<br />Lucky Show: Michael Jordan @ Eclectic House<br /><br /><br />ISSUE 52<br />Taurus<br /><br />Actually, your opinions and detailed personal life become Less interesting once you've had 4 drinks.<br /><br />Most Compatible: with Cancer<br />Lucky Show: USAISAMONSTER @ Market Hotel<br /><br />Cancer<br /><br />It must be summer because the days are long and your ex-girlfriend is fucking some of your friends again.<br /><br />Most Compatible: with Virgo<br />Lucky Show: Chamber music from Romania @ Paris London West Nile<br /><br />Libra<br /><br />You may be a vicious asshole but you're no sociopath; sociopaths are marred by a more conventional appearance.<br /><br />Most Compatible: with Sagittarius<br />Lucky Show: Drown The Swim Team @ The Saint<br /><br />Sagittarius<br /><br />You'd like to throw a horror-themed dress-up party because it's a good excuse to make red, highly-alcoholic drinks. Definitely fill your event with costumed werewolves, rather than zombies or vampires; the undead make everything too bourgeois.<br /><br />Most Compatible: with Aquarius<br />Lucky Show: Turbosleeze @ Westpac Space<br /><br />Capricorn<br /><br />Don't play chess with Death; Death wins against the computer all the time.<br /><br />Most Compatible: with Pisces<br />Lucky Show: Defiance, Ohio @ Death By Audio<br /><br />Pisces<br /><br />The best way to wear a little extra weight is naked, hairy, and drenched in old sweat.<br /><br />Most Compatible: with Taurus<br />Lucky Show: We Are The Seahorses @ Asbury Lanes<br /><br /><br />ISSUE 53<br />Aries<br /><br />Donate the clothing you don't want to wear anymore. The only things you should sell are your soiled panties on Craigslist.<br /><br />Most Compatible: with Capricorn<br />Lucky Show: Brendan Fowler @ Knitting Factory<br /><br />Taurus<br /><br />The nice thing about living on the fifth floor of a walk-up is that you get your farts for the day over-with in privacy.<br /><br />Most Compatible: with Leo<br />Lucky Show: So So Glos @ Market Hotel<br /><br />Cancer<br /><br />You or someone you're intimate with is too large for the average ribbed or scented condoms, which is as inconvenient as having too much weed on a Friday.<br /><br />Most Compatible: with Pisces<br />Lucky Show: Anamanaguchi @ Death By Audio<br /><br />Virgo<br /><br />Disconnecting without ejecting doesn't harm your device That much.<br /><br />Most Compatible: with Sagittarius<br />Lucky Show: Jessica Rylan @ Issue Project Room<br /><br />Scorpio<br /><br />It doesn't take ESP to feel that everybody hates you.<br /><br />Most Compatible: with Taurus<br />Lucky Show: Quiet Hooves @ Market Hotel<br /><br /><br />ISSUE 54<br />Taurus<br /><br />You can´t run away from your problems. You could if they had a knife but in most instances your problems have a gun and can fly.<br /><br />Most Compatible: with Aquarius<br />Lucky Show: The Fly Girlz @ Shea Stadium<br /><br />Cancer<br /><br />All the weird, technically-legal plant extracts that you can score at head shops are just weak versions of a real street drug. Skip that shit and support your local dealer.<br /><br />Most Compatible: with Aries<br />Lucky Show: the tribute to Pete Seeger @ Pier A Park<br /><br />Leo<br /><br />If you wear Hawaiian shirts, Wranglers and deck shoes, you´ll make all the girls want to go shoop.<br /><br />Most Compatible: with Pisces<br />Lucky Show: Le Rug @ Meatlocker<br /><br />Virgo<br /><br />If you don´t like a genre of music, try listening to what is considered a bad example of the sound, i.e. a reggae compilation that Rastafarians hate. You´ll probably like it.<br /><br />Most Compatible: with Aquarius<br />Lucky Show: BARR @ New Museum<br /><br />Sagittarius<br /><br />No matter how thick your leggings are strangers are still going to envision your vagina.<br /><br />Most Compatible: with Leo<br />Lucky Show: Gay Beast @ Market Hotel<br /><br /><br />ISSUE 55<br />by Seripop<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhWg7kC4YK0AKTmFboTOCet8bIFig4MLyT_oFySb6rzfJY6N9elcztw8_T-mpkJxow1KVLd6Cv-FqHhnKZ2K-UxO-PqQTrUWDVlqQhqvu48N03RogyvbWuvBIILVSJ6ccvSgJXHfA9-mZHt/s1600-h/seripop.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 231px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhWg7kC4YK0AKTmFboTOCet8bIFig4MLyT_oFySb6rzfJY6N9elcztw8_T-mpkJxow1KVLd6Cv-FqHhnKZ2K-UxO-PqQTrUWDVlqQhqvu48N03RogyvbWuvBIILVSJ6ccvSgJXHfA9-mZHt/s320/seripop.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5374029887012315826" /></a><br />Aries<br /><br />Remember not to run from the police; take the bus from the police.<br /><br />Most Compatible: with Pisces<br />Lucky Show: 311 @ Rumsey Playfield<br><br><br><br /><br />Virgo<br /><br />Remember that nobody cares about your unemployment.<br /><br />Most Compatible: with Cancer<br />Lucky Show: Blues Control @ Goodbye Blue Monday<br /><br />Capricorn<br /><br />Remember to delete your childhood Livejournal.<br /><br />Most Compatible: with Leo<br />Lucky Show: No Bunny @ Death By Audio<br /><br /><br />ISSUE 56<br />Cancer<br /><br />You really want to call your pot delivery boy but you only have $5. Don't do it. A nickle bag would only be a key bump of weed.<br /><br />Most Compatible: with Leo<br />Lucky Show: Cerebral Ballzy @ Lit Fuse Cyclery<br /><br />Libra<br /><br />Squatting over a sheet of paper and dripping period blood onto it in an ornamental fashion Does constitute as art.<br /><br />Most Compatible: with Scorpio<br />Lucky Show: Religious Girls @ Death By Audio<br /><br />Scorpio<br /><br />You want the $80 Ed Hardy bra with the rhinestone tiger head across the front but irony ends at $11.50.<br /><br />Most Compatible: with Libra<br />Lucky Show: caUSE co-MOTION! @ 979 Broadway<br /><br />Sagittarius<br /><br />It's okay to judge a band by its name.<br /><br />Most Compatible: with Scorpio<br />Lucky Show: Jay Reatard @ Stuy Town Oval<br /><br /><br />ISSUE 58<br />Aries<br /><br />Next time try not to say, "You can thank HELL for little girls," in front of the American Girl Cafe.<br /><br />Most Compatible: with Cancer<br />Lucky Show: These Are Powers @ X-Initiative<br /><br />Gemini<br /><br />You live with your significant other and the motherfucker will Not leave the apartment. They don't have a job, eat all of your food, and then call their parents in LI/CT/NJ to tell them that they're doing 'em proud. Unless they're really doing you something salacious, definitely kick 'em to the suburb.<br /><br />Most Compatible: with Capricorn<br />Lucky Show: Harry Merry @ Silent Barn<br /><br />Libra<br /><br />You hooked up with your friend and you both consider it a mistake. Just pretend it never happened and your lives will go on as though it never did. Awkwardness is just a trick of the mind!!!<br /><br />Most Compatible: with Cancer<br />Lucky Show: Blues Control @ Cinders<br /><br />Sagittarius<br /><br />Chances are your mother Had told you not to talk to or fuck sunburned homeless beach bums.<br /><br />Most Compatible: with Capricorn<br />Lucky Show: Gang Gang Dance @ Prospect Park<br /><br />Capricorn<br /><br />Someone you don't know that well has a disease and frequently updates about it on Facebook. Send him or her quotes about strength and healing in a message so that it doesn't show up on the news feed.<br /><br />Most Compatible: with Cancer<br />Lucky Show: Laurie Anderson @ The Stone<br /><br />Aquarius<br /><br />Don't go back to your hometown. It'll always be there, festering with sad opportunities and broken people, and reminding you of where its high suicide rate is coming from.<br /><br />Most Compatible: with Aries<br />Lucky Show: So So Glos Music Video Premiere @ Silent Barn<br /><br /><br />ISSUE 59<br />Leo<br /><br />Sex on the beach sounds cool except for the ass-sand, but the real problem is appearing like a pair of disgusting monsters soiling the scene to the people having bonfires and playing acoustic ABBA covers. <br /><br />Most Compatible: with Libra<br />Lucky Show: Das Racist @ The Bell House<br /><br />Aquarius<br /><br />If your friends see homeless people and are instantly reminded of you, it's probably not be because of your body odor; it's due more to your Eeyore sweatshirts and tendency to use plastic bags as shoes. <br /><br />Most Compatible: with Gemini<br />Lucky Show: Ava Luna @ Silent Barn <br /><br />Pisces<br /><br />Don't heckle policemen when they show up to the party. They usually leave after not too long, plus they know you ain't gonna hurt nobody and that you're just dancin' y'all.<br /><br />Most Compatible: with Leo<br />Lucky Show: Juiceboxxx @ 979 Broadway<br /><br /><br />ISSUE 60<br />Aries/Cancer/Scorpio/Pisces<br /><br />You or someone close to you thinks samplings of new horoscopes from Showpaper will be available online, but it actually goes against everything Showpaper believes in. Close the computer, take life to the streets, and pick up the new issue at a happenin place near you.<br /><br />Most Compatible: ??<br />Lucky Show: TBDAlaina Stamatishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10793558598895890207noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6229441653471579481.post-22577476701031835852009-08-20T21:16:00.000-04:002009-08-20T21:17:17.766-04:00Bad Shirt IdeaI realized on Tuesday while I was drinking vodka-Dews that I vaguely want to make a RUN DMB shirt, but today I found out that the pun already exists. It can refer to Dave Matthews Band for idiots (like me) but to most people its a plea for DaMarcus Beasley, American soccer player in Scotland, to hurry it up.<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhjUkujFddef_LFjtrMF8lTvG9PKyyc_6oXP3NnZVUKP9yWsbyPtAtPnKu-2XoU9nBCrQo_6hAPNGuO8Gl9dUjlh6KTdegtPpm2CVaoG3hLTQ6wBU499V_t6xIy2aFa6sJBgIRuf55dCsjY/s1600-h/dmb.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 300px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhjUkujFddef_LFjtrMF8lTvG9PKyyc_6oXP3NnZVUKP9yWsbyPtAtPnKu-2XoU9nBCrQo_6hAPNGuO8Gl9dUjlh6KTdegtPpm2CVaoG3hLTQ6wBU499V_t6xIy2aFa6sJBgIRuf55dCsjY/s400/dmb.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5372217692709401730" /></a>Alaina Stamatishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10793558598895890207noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6229441653471579481.post-38432943249544416972009-08-17T17:46:00.000-04:002009-08-17T17:47:12.480-04:00Rock Dove<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkko8V5t7kYRaootz9eG2otGc7PoFT_iE4buAieCpRuaGllcJM_4MCtsS89sHZec3plUY7oQcvsquiirD5AoPDTRsV1T4rG34MVpAK_3Gi-WPzcN26_Ix4yaVKFtoU3Simg8-OAvIJLA91/s1600-h/galcostanaked.jpg"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 198px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkko8V5t7kYRaootz9eG2otGc7PoFT_iE4buAieCpRuaGllcJM_4MCtsS89sHZec3plUY7oQcvsquiirD5AoPDTRsV1T4rG34MVpAK_3Gi-WPzcN26_Ix4yaVKFtoU3Simg8-OAvIJLA91/s320/galcostanaked.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5371036662588112210" /></a>The real fear in dating musicians - past any notion of predatory groupies or their opportunities to sway toward really hard drugs - is that they'll begin to wish you were a musician, too. Because if they were dating a musician they could watch her play her instrument, her cello, her violin, <i>naked</i> and how great would that be.Alaina Stamatishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10793558598895890207noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6229441653471579481.post-79937519845058399392009-08-16T21:26:00.000-04:002009-08-17T00:56:37.203-04:00Vincent GalloThree days ago Atiya and I saw Vincent Gallo play music at the Coronet. He was crouched on the floor so we could see his dreamy-ass boxer briefs, switching between guitar and bass and then looping them. He jammed with two guys who were adding slow, percussive compliments with clanging effects. As they played on the three would -synch- and it was serene and pleasant. Afterward there was an intermission and then Sean Lennon and his girlfriend played music from their new band.<br /><br />The audience was, as you'd imagine, great looking and very well dressed. One of the two regrets I sustained from the night was that Atiya and I didn't arrive earlier because we could have made friends (and drank more). <br /><br />My other regret was that I did not have the woman sitting next to me ejected from the theater. I had made an active effort to stop at the theater at 7:05 so I could sit third-row-center, but my neighbor (age: 55) and her husband's seats were slightly more central. Before the performance the staff of the Coronet (a lush, red velvet theater) implored the audience that talking and texting and photography and recording to make ringtones are not allowed at all and that they will be <i>watching</i> for rule-breakers. Ten minutes into Vincent Gallo's set the woman seated next to me began mumbling to her husband regularly and laughing aloud. She paired it with big, animated, <i>outlandish</i> body movements - looking behind her to the right, sitting up high to see the faces of the people in front of her, lashing herself to the left, keeping her flattened hand above her forehead - "looking" for the audience's response. It was stupid <i>and</i> distracting so I caught her eye. Instead of being embarrassed, she crept to my ear and said, "Do you love this?"<br />"Yes," I instantly replied, "can I have your seat?"<br />She told me that I couldn't, which I sort of expected, and then actually stayed still for the rest of the performance. She was either trying to understand it, or bizarrely mocking the calm behavior of someone who was "actually" enjoying it. <br /><br />When intermission started Atiya and I went straight to the bathroom, and the long line formed behind us. While I was in a stall I heard a newly familiar voice whining, "pretentious!" and "a big fuck-you to the audience."<br /><br />Upon returning to my seat the woman was already back and immediately made eye contact with me. <br />"You're back," I said.<br />"Wha?" she clucked.<br />"You're back. I'm surprised."<br />"Let me ask you, let me ask you - what did you like about that?"<br />"It's the kind of music I like."<br />"What kind of music is it?"<br />"Experimental music."<br />"Experimental music?" It was akin to chatting with an aggressive, judgmental, middle-aged parrot. "What does that mean?"<br />"It means they're experimenting and trying new things with sound. It's a genre of music."<br />"So it's like jazz?"<br />Yup.<br />"O.K. O.K. So does that mean there are <i>other</i> places where you can see this type of music?"<br />Yup.<br />"Name some." <br />"Pehrspace, the Smell, Echo Curio-" I dislike being <i>on trial</i> when I'm right so I asked her, "What kind of music do <i>you</i> like?"<br />"Let me ask you-"<br />"What was the last show you went to?"<br />"What?"<br />"CONCERT. What was the last concert you saw?"<br />"Don't try to turn this on me."<br />"Why not?"<br />"Don't you think this is the kind of music you could make in the basement with your friends after a few joints?"<br />Nope.<br />"Didn't you think the whole thing was just pretentious?"<br />No. Pretentious is the adjective of people who feel left out based on their mental inferiority and inability to locate educational resources. I wasn't begging the woman to explain Julie & Julia so I could attack and torture <i>her</i>. <br />"Didn't you think [Vincent Gallo's] turning-his-back on the audience was a big Fuck You to the audience?"<br />Nope. "Just because he's famous doesn't mean he has to act like a rock star."<br />"Oh so it's about the FAME, I get it."<br />"NO!" You deaf hag!<br />"So you thought that drummer was keeping a good beat?"<br />"Yes. They were creating two separate beats that correlated but didn't match."<br />"They make disconnected connections," Atiya addded in, also annoyed her attention was being pooled into this.<br />"A disconnected connection," the woman repeated to herself. "That's interesting." It wasn't interesting. None of it was interesting. The lights went out for Sean Lennon to begin, and people started clapping and I couldn't hear anything, and the woman tried to continue our debate so I, like so many times before, told her "No."<br /><br />For about 70 seconds I thought the Sean Lennon set was going to be great. He was sitting in a chair with a wa-wa pedal, playing licks while an extremely thin woman played an old piano on the far left of the stage. It sounded really good. After those 70 seconds the woman left the piano and sat next to Sean Lennon and put a tambourine in her lap. It then became apparent that they were both chewing gum.<br /><br />I was surprisingly in a lot of pain during Sean Lennon's set. He and his model girlfriend made annoying banter, including jokes about chewing gum and an extensive background of every song, and then played boring folk with corny, faux-literary lyrics. The woman-next-to-me and her husband <i>loved</i> it. They cheered hysterically and she cackled after every anecdote. Sean Lennon and his girlfriend called up an unrehearsed drummer who proceeded to play a slow di-dah with rough, fifth-grader's-first-kit form. I prayed for sleep but sleep would not come.<br /><br />When it was finally over I stood up and hovered over the woman seated third-row-perfectly-center.<br />"I didn't like that," I easily admitted to her. "But you didn't know! So next time you go to a show and YOU don't like it, follow MY example."<br />I turned around and exited the aisle. "What did you like about it?" she shouted after me. "You didn't like it?" She had run after me and put her hand on my shoulder so I walked faster and then rolled my shoulder toward my chest. "Wasn't that engaging?" <br />I flipped around. "I don't need to be engaged, I have a boyfriend." And then I weaved away and left the theater.<br /><br />I don't really know what I meant by my last comment, but I really don't understand the person who feels a connection or an ability to relate to, who feels they more easily have a friend in the son of a Beatle and his model girlfriend than a man who got to the stage solely by his art. And I think if we were stoned in a basement, my boyfriend and I could probably make the music of the former - but I'd need to lose a little weight first. <a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgBBY4zXV1rHFe0TQgPVYH6oL0WFvPdsKMY4ABlA9xm9npf68BzxE6V_jufu8or7NWOUSLIJW3n7_UDZ8lvwu5IQI559TXBZRIM6Gti9KiAMCdh9YB8_NI4D1u4whIxZileSSvO3LBjJLV8/s1600-h/watermelon.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 399px; height: 365px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgBBY4zXV1rHFe0TQgPVYH6oL0WFvPdsKMY4ABlA9xm9npf68BzxE6V_jufu8or7NWOUSLIJW3n7_UDZ8lvwu5IQI559TXBZRIM6Gti9KiAMCdh9YB8_NI4D1u4whIxZileSSvO3LBjJLV8/s400/watermelon.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5370737867285513250" /></a>Alaina Stamatishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10793558598895890207noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6229441653471579481.post-74736989302693735942009-08-16T01:41:00.000-04:002009-08-16T01:43:32.618-04:00Owen<div style="PADDING-RIGHT: 5px; PADDING-LEFT: 5px; PADDING-BOTTOM: 0px; MARGIN: 0px 5px 4px -5px; PADDING-TOP: 0px" id="162"><div style="PADDING-RIGHT: 5px; PADDING-LEFT: 5px; PADDING-BOTTOM: 0px; MARGIN: 0px 5px 4px -5px; PADDING-TOP: 0px"><span style="FONT: 12px Arial; COLOR: #0f0595"><b>chudbabies</b><aim:timestamp style="DISPLAY: inline; FONT-SIZE: 11px"> (10:38:37 PM)</aim:timestamp>:</span> I almost had a faux paus in my thank you letter to the deaf guy</div></div><div style="PADDING-RIGHT: 5px; PADDING-LEFT: 5px; PADDING-BOTTOM: 0px; MARGIN: 0px 5px 4px -5px; PADDING-TOP: 0px" id="163"><div style="PADDING-RIGHT: 5px; PADDING-LEFT: 5px; PADDING-BOTTOM: 0px; MARGIN: 0px 5px 4px -5px; PADDING-TOP: 0px"><span style="FONT: 12px Arial; COLOR: #0f0595"><b>chudbabies</b><aim:timestamp style="DISPLAY: inline; FONT-SIZE: 11px"> (10:38:41 PM)</aim:timestamp>:</span> I almost wrote</div></div><div style="PADDING-RIGHT: 5px; PADDING-LEFT: 5px; PADDING-BOTTOM: 0px; MARGIN: 0px 5px 4px -5px; PADDING-TOP: 0px" id="166"><div style="PADDING-RIGHT: 5px; PADDING-LEFT: 5px; PADDING-BOTTOM: 0px; MARGIN: 0px 5px 4px -5px; PADDING-TOP: 0px"><span style="FONT: 12px Arial; COLOR: #0f0595"><b>chudbabies</b><aim:timestamp style="DISPLAY: inline; FONT-SIZE: 11px"> (10:39:09 PM)</aim:timestamp>:</span> "I really am thankful for everything, and I can't wait to hear from you soon!</div></div><div style="PADDING-RIGHT: 5px; PADDING-LEFT: 5px; PADDING-BOTTOM: 0px; MARGIN: 0px 5px 4px -5px; PADDING-TOP: 0px" id="167"><div style="PADDING-RIGHT: 5px; PADDING-LEFT: 5px; PADDING-BOTTOM: 0px; MARGIN: 0px 5px 4px -5px; PADDING-TOP: 0px"><span style="FONT: 12px Arial; COLOR: #0f0595"><b>chudbabies</b><aim:timestamp style="DISPLAY: inline; FONT-SIZE: 11px"> (10:39:13 PM)</aim:timestamp>:</span> Owen thaxton!"</div></div><div style="PADDING-RIGHT: 5px; PADDING-LEFT: 5px; PADDING-BOTTOM: 0px; MARGIN: 0px 5px 4px -5px; PADDING-TOP: 0px" id="171"><div style="PADDING-RIGHT: 5px; PADDING-LEFT: 5px; PADDING-BOTTOM: 0px; MARGIN: 0px 5px 4px -5px; PADDING-TOP: 0px"><span style="FONT: 12px Arial; COLOR: #d73306"><b>Veela7</b><aim:timestamp style="DISPLAY: inline; FONT-SIZE: 11px"> (10:40:08 PM)</aim:timestamp>:</span> <span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:85%;color:#000000;">OOOOOOOOOOPZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ</span></div></div><div style="PADDING-RIGHT: 5px; PADDING-LEFT: 5px; PADDING-BOTTOM: 0px; MARGIN: 0px 5px 4px -5px; PADDING-TOP: 0px" id="124"><div style="PADDING-RIGHT: 5px; PADDING-LEFT: 5px; PADDING-BOTTOM: 0px; MARGIN: 0px 5px 4px -5px; PADDING-TOP: 0px"><span style="FONT: 12px Arial; COLOR: #d73306"><b>Veela7</b><aim:timestamp style="DISPLAY: inline; FONT-SIZE: 11px"> (10:40:15 PM)</aim:timestamp>:</span> <span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:85%;color:#000000;">lulli </span></div></div><div style="PADDING-RIGHT: 5px; PADDING-LEFT: 5px; PADDING-BOTTOM: 0px; MARGIN: 0px 5px 4px -5px; PADDING-TOP: 0px" id="127"><div style="PADDING-RIGHT: 5px; PADDING-LEFT: 5px; PADDING-BOTTOM: 0px; MARGIN: 0px 5px 4px -5px; PADDING-TOP: 0px"><span style="FONT: 12px Arial; COLOR: #0f0595"><b>chudbabies</b><aim:timestamp style="DISPLAY: inline; FONT-SIZE: 11px"> (10:40:35 PM)</aim:timestamp>:</span> yeah, that was a close one</div></div><div style="PADDING-RIGHT: 5px; PADDING-LEFT: 5px; PADDING-BOTTOM: 0px; MARGIN: 0px 5px 4px -5px; PADDING-TOP: 0px" id="129"><div style="PADDING-RIGHT: 5px; PADDING-LEFT: 5px; PADDING-BOTTOM: 0px; MARGIN: 0px 5px 4px -5px; PADDING-TOP: 0px"><span style="FONT: 12px Arial; COLOR: #0f0595"><b>chudbabies</b><aim:timestamp style="DISPLAY: inline; FONT-SIZE: 11px"> (10:40:47 PM)</aim:timestamp>:</span> thank god college taught me to proofread </div></div>Alaina Stamatishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10793558598895890207noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6229441653471579481.post-60588189144541951042009-08-13T23:17:00.000-04:002009-08-13T23:18:06.131-04:00Spending Time With My Dad<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmwfjs9bPYRPYU8euFLKWaU2Wk4Nej51xh8rkgry1fYyt8SLP3Qg_sR7fz_1Bv2T-aP-mVg2J6dGEa-g_kN_sZGmz6Clrl1GWYYKGJeoHUoQqtDTlvU9u9Uc3aH-TTxhFBneUChmuKSzpQ/s1600-h/terry+and+me+in+an+egg.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 300px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmwfjs9bPYRPYU8euFLKWaU2Wk4Nej51xh8rkgry1fYyt8SLP3Qg_sR7fz_1Bv2T-aP-mVg2J6dGEa-g_kN_sZGmz6Clrl1GWYYKGJeoHUoQqtDTlvU9u9Uc3aH-TTxhFBneUChmuKSzpQ/s400/terry+and+me+in+an+egg.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5369641081367106946" /></a>Alaina Stamatishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10793558598895890207noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6229441653471579481.post-74677439249011164852009-08-12T19:00:00.000-04:002009-08-12T19:16:22.717-04:00New Bag: FINALLYI've wanted (to make?) this bag for a really long time, probably since my last trip to Disney World or the Roosevelt Field Mall. <i>Somewhere</i> I saw an elderly woman with a handbag that displayed pictures of toddlers and one high schooler in a suit on the outside of it. I don't have grandchildren or printed pictures of anyone else I know, and if I had either I wouldn't care enough to brag about them on a tote.<br /><br />However I did have big plans so I searched high and low in a frames store near our apartment for a photo-display bag. When they didn't have one I went online and actually found one - and I don't know if your ready for this nostalgia but it was - on the Oriental Trading website. Oriental Trading, the uncomfortably-named, scout-leading-mom's bible was delivered to most households involuntarily throughout the 1990's. Need an inflatable guitar <i>with flames</i>? Grass table skirts in five colors? How about fortune cookies that quote the Gospel or a potato sack reading, Leap For The Lord? If you'd like 48 packages of Fun Dip for less than $10, I have just the catalog for you!<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSQ5r7TkicN3YWDG7nk1ydhqZjDgebN2HMycFBCjV3tJZb3abvhM7uRtlXLANYcde7AEB9B2-cSBqnW8vtU3p9GjgLz4UQJ0VNM36BTREbNn1vP0hFRAtbJblvC5T_zmhVe7a5Kx0zMvhp/s1600-h/grandma's+love+is+like+no+other.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 142px; height: 200px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSQ5r7TkicN3YWDG7nk1ydhqZjDgebN2HMycFBCjV3tJZb3abvhM7uRtlXLANYcde7AEB9B2-cSBqnW8vtU3p9GjgLz4UQJ0VNM36BTREbNn1vP0hFRAtbJblvC5T_zmhVe7a5Kx0zMvhp/s200/grandma's+love+is+like+no+other.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5369169297057882098" /></a>But now it's online so I ordered a canvas tote bag with plastic pockets. On the website the bag was printed with, Grandma's Love Is Like No Other, which seemed like an insane bonus. When I sent the image of it to Lyle, Lyle said, "Yo my grandma, who I don't even <i>fuck</i> with, had that bag the last time I saw her in Florida."<br /><br />Atiya and I went to the Fairfax High School swap meet and found a booth that just had shoeboxes filled with pictures. Most of glossies had belonged to dead people, but some of them were just discolored or had fingers in the shot, so they might have been donations from CVS. Atiya collected a bunch of portraits of ugly white couples kissing to hang up in work locker, but I grabbed a bunch with no overriding theme except that all had made me laugh.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7571JegCub17NXs8ZdlgbNQ_odeD-AEp4I_bEda_LkRv38gJS-hHWN-O80U8YCjZ873t2Ln8LMNFbeEb-AjQq4PsHZSF6tRk5EUWovsNuR7ESRLjqfGpIvxZ0PU3f0jJdkWELVePQbMNb/s1600-h/IMG_1626.JPG"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 125px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7571JegCub17NXs8ZdlgbNQ_odeD-AEp4I_bEda_LkRv38gJS-hHWN-O80U8YCjZ873t2Ln8LMNFbeEb-AjQq4PsHZSF6tRk5EUWovsNuR7ESRLjqfGpIvxZ0PU3f0jJdkWELVePQbMNb/s320/IMG_1626.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5369214704413238530" /></a> <br />Yesterday the photo tote came in the mail but it didn't have any words on it! Oriental Trading had completely forgotten about Grandma's love. The catalog apparently expects me to add my own Grandmother-based or otherwise-appropriate message around the picture slots with multicolored letters that they didn't provide in the box, and I am not interested. There's only so much effort I can funnel into irony before it makes me sick.<br /><br />Here are some other possible combos including pictures bought from the Fairfax High School swap meet:<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhA9WWF-OesqihbURAa8BrsM1iAsumduaNvjDQd1ugU5oPqRsyW2N2-2_2Bs6drWpmDzrgBZlPIxScaJHyr8BE1brxn3UdXtzL483n_y4PxHHYah7NOcKJcfjpiBB7zV1b3xhNPDVIRtr5M/s1600-h/IMG_1609.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 300px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhA9WWF-OesqihbURAa8BrsM1iAsumduaNvjDQd1ugU5oPqRsyW2N2-2_2Bs6drWpmDzrgBZlPIxScaJHyr8BE1brxn3UdXtzL483n_y4PxHHYah7NOcKJcfjpiBB7zV1b3xhNPDVIRtr5M/s400/IMG_1609.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5369215327317223490" /></a><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimnGsfOUq_oykrrAgQ6bcUNiiAGv0GW0VvEt_2cai_yiSoimfhWlnsbW7uMKnbbz6Z2CrdUGK4wxnLQOJta3BaNxWJChS3gHiyNw2dOqXkxJGazjexxKMaYu9yAUro2w2TT9OZVU7rdjtR/s1600-h/IMG_1619.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 300px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimnGsfOUq_oykrrAgQ6bcUNiiAGv0GW0VvEt_2cai_yiSoimfhWlnsbW7uMKnbbz6Z2CrdUGK4wxnLQOJta3BaNxWJChS3gHiyNw2dOqXkxJGazjexxKMaYu9yAUro2w2TT9OZVU7rdjtR/s400/IMG_1619.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5369215318449189890" /></a><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgaIUiV2vLwSOIsavqa-ofrl10xDcHtDlRb8YlzjwBV5s1ALr36DOpCGwvRRdZ0IP_OCBPhMaDSRs5_bNl4sfgHH1P2ntv6y9p6Ti8VUhwz-eyrBfLTU1_uL2SkEXXJdnKD1iGS-PTUgMEe/s1600-h/IMG_1622.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 300px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgaIUiV2vLwSOIsavqa-ofrl10xDcHtDlRb8YlzjwBV5s1ALr36DOpCGwvRRdZ0IP_OCBPhMaDSRs5_bNl4sfgHH1P2ntv6y9p6Ti8VUhwz-eyrBfLTU1_uL2SkEXXJdnKD1iGS-PTUgMEe/s400/IMG_1622.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5369215311898245122" /></a>Alaina Stamatishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10793558598895890207noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6229441653471579481.post-67726068703572466462009-08-12T18:24:00.000-04:002009-08-12T18:25:43.820-04:00OTC Bum Fighter<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj8H2DJQ0vXR1-fmwKOrqqWGuIHu8kT_Og88KoEkKxRLCdigo1GKic6CJ3cLONDACTCbVKqP3cZPGy5dna48IL1RMFPUOktIKz0XbW8wWh8DiDrPkdHRNtPuErMPp6ZCeiPjf6K2JtZ3wSE/s1600-h/IMG_1608.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 300px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj8H2DJQ0vXR1-fmwKOrqqWGuIHu8kT_Og88KoEkKxRLCdigo1GKic6CJ3cLONDACTCbVKqP3cZPGy5dna48IL1RMFPUOktIKz0XbW8wWh8DiDrPkdHRNtPuErMPp6ZCeiPjf6K2JtZ3wSE/s400/IMG_1608.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5369206905160292738" /></a>Alaina Stamatishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10793558598895890207noreply@blogger.com0