If I ever make a new Facebook group, it's going to be called, "Don't make a Facebook group about me if I die," to serve as a living will for me and everyone who joins, asking our near and dear ones not to grieve for us over the internet, knowing that it is not what we would have wanted.
I have a friend who sends me the trashiest "forever in our hearts" Facebook groups, all made in remembrance of Long Island fuck ups who drove on Xanax straight into a tree. In a recent Deathbook group, which, based on the comments, was actually made while the kid was still on life support ["hes not dead yet" "they pulled the plug this morning"], one girl posted, "OTGDY." What? It's an abbreviation for the most used slogan following a South shore DUI death: Only The Good Die Young.
I don't know if, "Only the good die young," is how people mourn in other parts of the country, but back on Long Island, Billy Joel songs strike more than just mass-funerial chords. Growing up in Hicksville, naming his album after Cold Spring Harbor, and drunk driving into the living rooms of estates in the Hamptons, Billy Joel has 516 and 631 appeal. In turn, all of the classic rock radio stations in my area played his music all the time. In turn, I grew to really hate him, and following that, grew to like him as a joke.
One time, when Owen and I were underage, we snuck into a karaoke bar on N6 and ordered "Only the Good Die Young," to sing as a duet. Unfortunately, Owen got kicked out of the bar before the song came up for being too drunk and trying to open a locked door and then probably being carded, so I half-heartedly [with a straw in my mouth] sang the song alone.
Recently, in a vintage store in New York, I saw a soft-and-worn Billy Joel concert tee for sale for too much money. I really wanted it. I would never have received one as a family heirloom because my dad hates Billy Joel, too.
A week or two ago I saw another one in a vintage store on Melrose Ave. It was $12, which isn't unreasonable, but I passed on it. If I wear one, it'll obviously just seem like I really like Billy Joel, and that's one of the last things I'd want to have people think about me.