Thursday, December 4

Los Angeles Wildfires

"What happened? There's a body shop on fire?" It was 8 am and Terry was hovered over his computer while filling out paperwork with his right hand. The television was on and the news was showing the aerial shot of firemen in a street, and Terry had taken a distracted interest in the story because the words WEST HOLLYWOOD were at the bottom of the screen.

The original stereotypes about Los Angeles, the ones established prior to current popular television shows that misrepresent the city, are largely untrue. However, the cheesey-breasted, fedora-pinching monsters of your poor imagination do exist in one place: the Sunset Strip.

Everywhere on the brightly lit, bar portion of Sunset Blvd is the worst place I've ever been. When I went to the Wild West-themed bar with a mechanical bull and slipped into the bathroom to relieve myself of the setting and other things, I found that all four bathroom stalls were home to women either sleeping or vomiting. When I went to a show at the Viper Room, I needed to be more cautious of watching after my drink than I'd been anywhere else in my life. When I ate at Mel's Diner on a Wednesday night, a drunk woman, who was accompanied by her two drunk friends after they had all failed at a bar and were at present all failing to notice that their eye makeup was streaked down their cheeks, sarcastically yelled, "Wasn't the election YESTERDAY?" as No-On-8 protesters passed the diner's windows. The only place I like on Sunset Blvd is a strip club.

The Body Shop is an expensive strip club that was made famous when celebrities started going there 30 years ago, which caused it to be mentioned in a Motley Crue song and featured in the movie Striptease with Demi Moore. After that it became a fake mobster hang out, but I always liked it because of how stupid it looks.
There is a rectangular lighted sign to the right of the entrance, which has an animated girl on it. Although from a distance it appears as though she is balancing two basketballs on her shoulders, in the image she's actually covering the lewdest part of her miraculously large breasts.

The stupid feature that made me fall in love with the Body Shop is its sign that faces Sunset Blvd's traffic. In large white letters, it reads, "18 Years Ok!!!"

I couldn't find any pictures of the interior online, and I'll never get to because it burned down this morning at 6:45am. Everyone who hears about it suspects insurance-based foul play.

The following are excerpts from the Body Shop's now obsolete website:

Most dancers will lie and say they are single and exchange phone numbers with you. IF they call... its because they want more of your money.

Strip clubs are NOT whore houses.
All strip clubs have a few dancers who are nasty.
Many dancers are not drug addicts or alcoholics. Some are.
Most dancers will NOT go home with you or take money for sex. Some will.
ALL businesses have employees that behave the same way, only its not so
obvious or public (poor Bill got caught in the act)!
Some Strip Clubs are classy. Some are sleezy.

Many dancers are more intelligent than wives and girlfriends!

1 comment:

  1. man, this makes that polaroid i took the last time that i was there priceless.